A HAPPY AND EFFECTIVE LIFE

The Believing Brain: Know This!

2012-01-10T13:03:00.000-08:00

Our brains mechanically, unthinkingly form patterns of what to do and feel - and then we begin to believe these as "truth" or as "an invisible force", whereas they are actually just patterns of neurons.

In his book, The Believing Brain, Michael Shermer describes in-depth "patternicity" and how we foolishly believe in something we made up or which happened at random. And then we also, as humans, create "agenticity", as if there was a person inside us directing us in some mysterious way, or a god, or a universe that actually has intentions (and whose favor we seek so it'll be nice to us).

Knowing how this is all created, and why, is essential to the next step of looking and seeing what to embrace and what to discard so that we can live a much happier life - and stop the ongoing cycles of foolishness that we engage in at great harm to ourselve.

Read this 15 page discussion on The Site: The Believing Brain: Patternicity, False Agency, And Creating A New Life. Perhaps from reading this discussion (and/or the book), you can nail down the absurdity of continuing to believe in what is created nonsensically and in the false agency (or power) you give it, as if it really exists!

My best wishes for you finally conquering this and laying it to rest, so you can have a greater, happier life.

Keith

Demanding the other to shape up

2011-11-27T14:20:00.001-08:00

Byron Katie, in her book "I Need Your Love - Is That True?", writes of much wisdom in regard to relationships.

As with life, most people will find they suffer more in life when they put their "locus of control" "out there", being dependent on others and how they react to the person. They spend lots of time interpreting the other's actions, expressions, words - often reading in 'intents' (which are, of course, non-observable, as they are only in the other person's brain) and coming up with false conclusions, but inevitably believing they are right, as most people consider themselve to be extremely perceptive and accurate).

We make up lots of "shoulds", including expectations and beliefs about what the other should do - and then we attempt to manipulate them to give us what we want, to make them love us and do the right thing.

Wrong! That won't work.

We set up barter systems and then think we are loved because the other person does what we want. We fail to see what the source of true love really is - and it ain't the ones in the movies or in our cultural beliefs. (You'll have to read the book to see what this means!)

And one of the manipulations we do involves anger and/or criticism of the other. If only the other person does what we want. If only the other person were not so smug, then you wouldn't be pissed off. (And escalate it until it works - oops, that is really a stupid idea, but why do so many people do it?)

Well, what right do you have to be judge and jury, to be God? And how can you see inside the other person to know that they are really thinking they are smug or ....?

The source of our suffering in relationship is that we "demand" of others - which doesn't work, even though you might get the right response temporarily or on the surface.

The truly loving person is not in the demand or manipulation business. The truly loving person makes requests - and accepts whatever the answer is (for if he/she didn't that would then mean that it was actually a demand, really a "must" rather than a request).

Learn this and you'll be surprised how well your relationships will go - and you'll know what the cause is of them not going well! (And you'll, at least, stop wasting energy on having the other shape up, so you can use it in the place where control actually can be achieved, for your personal improvement.)

Read the book. (Or you could just be insulted and blame another for placing the responsibility on you...)

K

Linking to Relationships Contents/Links, you might wish to read

1. What Is Needed To Be Learned In Relationship - Overview - and you'll know what you are missing and must do if you want a good (or great) relationship.

2. Trying To Fix, Correct, Control Others (under Communication).

3. Making Requests And Happy Negotiating (under Communication, Making Requests)

4. Perception Versus Reality (under Communication)

(Note that the cause of failure to learn is that the materials will be accumulating for "later", which never happens. It is best to do these promptly, to at least understand the basics, even if you just scan it - and then to decide what is worthwhile to learn - and then scheduling it, with sufficient time for mastery. If these are not helpful, then ask your professional how to proceed and what resources are needed. )

But I don't want to do that much work...

2011-11-27T14:01:00.001-08:00

A "natural" reaction to the previous message might be to protest that it is too much work and/or there is not enough payoff - or even the "I tried it before and it didn't work" (to which the response might be "well, do it right this time" or "don't stop until you get the desired results" or "there is always a way").

One remark about a number of items on the site is that they were "too simplistic". OK, fine, just learn as much as you can - and then it is up to you to go deeper and find a better resource, possibly reading some of the books or experts I refer you to on the site.

One of my objectives on the site, due to feedback and some thinking about it, is to convert it so it is "top down", going from summaries and simpler items down deeper into more detail and technique. So, take the simplistic as merely an overview, which of course could be useful for getting perspective. And, yes, I will add some pieces that actually show a complete sequence or procedure to apply - ones that work.

And you don't need to believe everything, but I urge you to consider that some things have been proven over and over and over. Give the item an open-minded look - and, please, don't put your certainty about your beliefs and "perceptions" out there as "for sure being true!"!

"But can't you give me a shortcut, a pithy insight, and make me all better?"

No. And seeking the easy solutions or the ways around doing what is necessary will take up your time and enmesh you into resistance. You've just got to do the work - and the evidence that you are doing the work is that you get the results. If you are not getting the results, then, with backward reasoning, that means you haven't done the work.

Perhaps you need to find a better resource if the ones you have been using are not working, for whatever reason. But the most reliable reason for your not getting the desired results is that you have not done the work - and you need to do it - and it will take time and focused effort! (See Learning Authentically.)

I hope you choose to do this - 'cause you ain't finished 'til you're finished, and not before then - so keep on keepin' on.

K

Is thinking rational?

2011-11-27T13:08:00.001-08:00

"I think you live in a dream world if you're thinking that thinking is rational."

An interesting comment I got in a phone message.

It seems that there is a spectrum from no rationality, which is called insanity, on forward to some items that cannot be deal with rationally (very, very few) and being as rational as one can be, within the limits of being human. Of course, certain things are not amenable to bringing up to consciousness, where the rational brain center can then operate on it.

However, we did evolve to have an unusual gift of a higher brain, one which is capable of logic and discrimination (to check to see if things are factual). It is our greatest gift.

Yes, we probably can't "get in touch" with our livers and then instruct them on what to do, but we can rationally do everything around that which we are capable of, from reducing stress to changing nutrition to ... And certain reactions are instinctual, such as blushing or even "excitement" stimulated by some evolved response system.

In some way, we process data according to a pattern that may be built in and/or habitual PLUS we can use our rational minds to intentionally process data to improve our results in life. The mistake many people make, out of misunderstanding, is to generalize the idea that emotions "seem to be" in charge or that they just come about with no control and no ability to influence them.

Of course, in any one circumstance they may not be 100% controllable, but surely we are able to observe what happened (an emotion just popped up and it felt "bad") and then to choose to act on it, especially when we've trained ourselves to do so instead of going "belly up" and doing a victim act (I'm just a victim of my emotions - NOT!).

Since most things involve a sequence, we can intervene in the sequence when we note that something is "off", such as when we feel bad, which indicates that something is done wrongly and/or that a belief is false. (Until one is more educated in how things work, one can still believe in "the mystical" - and not see that all of it is mechanical, using biochemicals and electricity to cause something - and to form patterns in our brain to bring back up when something associated happens - these are 'thoughts' which we must learn are just thoughts and not facts. The 700 lb. woman on Doctor Oz, after losing 120 lbs remarked that one major realization for her was that "thoughts aren't facts!")

If a person was proactive, acting as soon as possible, and noted that something didn't work and then dug into the beliefs behind it AND then "solved it" with an updated correct belief that would work, then the person would eliminate 80 - 99% of false beliefs - and live a much better life!   Note that people who are problem free and very strong emotionally and mentally are the ones who complete and solve things right away, leaving no crap behind.

For now I cannot see another way around it. It seems that one must be educated in the basics of how things work - and spend time learning "Problem Solving" as a key, vital, essential skill that will enable a person to become happy (happiness is an emotion, but also it can be a long-term trained way of thinking that repeats through self-designed triggers to achieve happy emotions, such as feeling fulfilled, prosperous, fortunate, solid, strong).

The question is: Will you do this - and will you do it with sufficient mastery?

If you will, I guarantee you happiness.  If you don't, you'll continue to operate in life with alot of unsolved, unresolved problems and beliefs.

Your choice,

Keith

Read the sections: Link from Life Management Contents/Links into the Basic Life Skills, in sequence:    Learning Authentically
                   Thinking Effectively
                   Effective Decision-Making And Problem Solving

Partially incapacitated - And life is still wonderful!

2011-11-24T11:35:00.001-08:00

I talk to my friend and she is often bringing up the reasons why she is held back from living her life happily.

By doing that she is perpetuating the routine that is guaranteed to make oneself unhappy.

She fails to "see" what is "there", present in a human being's life - not the current "stuff" but the blessings of being human, living way above subsistence, and all of what she has accumulated over the years in terms of permanent knowledge and awareness. She spends her life focusing on and bemoaning what "isn't there" - she isn't as good as the best, not living up to her parents' expectations, is partially incapacitated, etc. and etc.

I wrote a few years back for an angry, down in the dumps lady (see The Disempowered Empowerer linked from the Case Studies main page) a piece that addressed focusing on what you have rather than what you don't have (see Loss page, link to What I Have Compared To So-Called Losses). This is perhaps the greatest secret to happiness and the opposite is the greatest cause of unhappiness. Be sure to read it and follow the plan in it.

Although I am sympathetic whenever she feels emotional "pain" or physical exhaustion, I notice that most of it is caused by her and/or a residual from years of making herself stressed. I do not judge her for that, but I do know that it is not serving her well.

She could, instead, say "well, yes I do have these conditions, some of which can be changed and maybe some of which cannot, but now I just acknowledge them and get on with my life." She seems to have resisted this so far, insisting on the "conditions" of her life being the problem. Read Partially Incapacitated - 60% Of Wonderful Is Wonderful!

May you "see" all that is there in life. We are so incredibly fortunate.

Keith

In case you wondered, here is a list of some of her legitimate conditions which she will use as rationalizations: (See How To Create Unhappiness, which she has done well but should start doing the opposite of.)

1. Anybody would feel bad having been brought up by my parents.
2. I am stuck with Social Anxiety panic attacks that ruin my life and keep me lonely too.
3. My energy is so low from hypoglycemia.
4. I'm just not as good as those doctors and other accomplished people.

At the very least, she would be less unhappy if she merely stopped telling the story over and over and over and over and over...

Perfectly Practice Applying The Psychological Knowledge You Have

2011-11-19T15:04:00.001-08:00

We all "learn' little tidbits about life, but we do not integrate and consolidate them into our lives.

The secret to progress in life is to notice what does not work and determine what does and then consolidate that into one's life, essentially building a higher level floor from which to operate.

Few people do this, but those who do relatively soon pass up those who are smarter than them.

You'll know if you practice irrational thinking because you will see the effect in your life: your life won't work nearly as well as you'd like AND you won't feel good about life and what is going on - and you'll blame it on conditions or circumstances at the time.

When one engages in Authentic Learning, one takes the knowledge from a learning (data transferring) situation or from making a mistake and then completes it and installs it so it is useful. Knowledge by itself is not power - it is only 'potential power'. When people say "I already know that" but they don't have appropriately good results, we know that they are engaged in Insufficient Knowing.

Since life is based on the decisions one makes in life and the conversations one has with oneself, one should become highly excellent at the prime tool for doing that: Rational Thinking (using "Critical Thinking" skills). And we know from the studies of genius that it takes hours of practice and paying attention to what needs to be corrected.

Maxie Maultsby, Jr., M.D. (psychiatrist), hit the nail on the head when he strongly suggested that individuals use the Rational Analysis form and process 4 times a day for at least a month plus "practicing" in your mind (called 'Rational Emotive Imagery') until you're quite good at it.

If you do this, you'll be fine tuning and better installing your tidbits of knowledge and, most importantly, you'll develop the primary skill you need to live an effective and happy life - regardless of circumstances, being happy no matter what.

I highly, absolutely recommend you do this practical implementation, as reading randomly even on this site will not "do it" for you.

Within one month you'll be thinking more clearly and no longer engaging in the 'untruth' or indulging the thought processes that make you unhappy or less powerful in life.

I think this is vital for all living human beings. Please do it!

Keith

As recommended in the write-ups, consider doing the whole process completely yourself and then taking it to a counselor for additional refinement and learning.

Gratitude - Some things are hard to see - Watch this

2011-11-14T22:37:00.001-08:00

10 minutes... Simple gratitude...

Simple, easy - and this is exactly what we need to "see" in life.

Watch Gratitude.

I suggest you tickle this and play it every six months....

Keith

Incidently, gratitude is a feeling. When we practice it, it develops a "muscle" that makes it easier to feel in life - in an ever increasing upward spiral. But few people see its importance - but it as at the core of happiness, taking away the focus we have on the opposite, where we create unhappiness based on "stinkin' thinkin'".

Thoughts Cause Emotions, Not Events - Do you completely "get" it?

2011-11-12T12:27:00.001-08:00

I recommend that you read and get clear on the principles and understanding involved in ABCDEF ("Rational Analysis"), If you do not accept these, you cannot move along very effectively in life.
___________________________________________________________________

If a person is thinking incorrectly about what causes what, then a person cannot or will not manage life effectively.

Always, if we want to create a desired result, we have to identify and implement something that causes the desired result. (This is simple cause-effect, which you MUST understand and accept if you are to be effective in life.)

If we think desired results happen magically, then we are out of control - and a little too far along the scale toward insanity, too far from high sanity.

People who do not do well in life are the victims of "out there" (circumstances and other people determine how I feel, often languaged in the passive form of "make me feel").

People who do well in life see that circumstances and other people are just neutral, objective happenings, not causing any emotions directly. They know that only what they add to that neutrality is what makes them feel emotion. They know that it is them causing the emotion, not the outside stuff. (They also see their responsibility in creating, and unraveling, complex behaviors and patterns that seem to have the power over us.)

They live "at cause" over their life. They know that if there is an effect that is not desired that they created it (caused it) - and that they just need to not continue that cause and to decide and then do instead what causes the desired result.

Unless you are convinced of this with regard to the fact that your beliefs/thoughts determine your emotions (and actions), you will not be working on the correct cause and thus will not achieve the results you want in life.

And those who do well in life make sure that they complete all that is needed to cause what is important in life. They do not stop until they achieve the result. They do not "try". They do not say "well, I was too busy". They just do it.

If you want to be successful, you must use Critical Thinking, aka Rational Thinking, which you can practice and use in The Rational Analysis (truth telling and falsity challenging) form, which you'd link to from the ABCDEF page. Successful people will follow the protocol of doing it 4 times a day until they notice one day that they feel much better about life and are 'thinking straight'.

Do you understand this? Will you live your life according to this?

I hope you will not stop until you've achieved true happiness (and that you enjoy the many benefits along the way as you learn and grow).

Keith

Although there are a number of good sources of how to understand and apply these principles and practices, I single out to recommend you to Help Yourself To Happiness, Maxie C. Maultsby, Jr., M.D..

Metaprograms And Your Happiness

2011-11-11T17:48:00.001-08:00

We often try to solve a problem by not working at solving the problem directly, in a kind of wishful thinking.

We feel lonely and then we use an affirmation to cover it over or we do something else to make us feel better. That's all good stuff, but it is not the same as solving the problem.

One of the problems with problems is that they are based on a number of components and have some complexity.

We humans basically operate mechanically off of metaprogams, which are master programs that are a combination of other programs.

We can't "solve" these problems all at once or in some simple way anymore than we can eat an elephant all at once. We can only do it a bite (a piece) at a time - and eventually we'll have the result of having eaten an elephant.

Metaprograms can be programs that cause a problem or they can be programs that cause a good result.

For instance, at Heartmath they get good results by using metaprograms that include a desirable effect, caused on purpose.

You are asked to get in touch with your heart. That means something to you (i.e. you have a metaprogram associated with it), which usually results in deeper and slower breathing, a softening, and a good feeling and so on. All we have to do is initiate the metaprogram and we're off and running - in a good direction.

So we want to use the good metaprogram and to correct the bad feeling metaprograms - and to the extent we do the latter, we can make very, very rapid and deep changes in how we experience life. If we don't, then guess what!? We get to repeat the bad program over and over and over and over - Sisyphus-like.

See Metaprograms.

One thing that would be good for you to do, and then share with me, is make up a list of "good feeling" metaprograms. That list will give us lots of metaprograms to initiate to "feel good", which are healthy than eating ice cream to create that feeling.

Yours toward happiness,

Keith

The Healthy Person's View Of Life

2011-11-05T16:15:00.000-07:00

We often approach life from the point of view of having to solve our difficulties and problems, but most of those are merely figments of our imagination based on false beliefs.

If we operate without those false beliefs, we have a healthy viewpoint of life, as it actually is, with its opportunities and incredible blessings which we get to experience through our incredible brain.

If you read The Healthy Person's View Of Life, you'll note that it is not based on how circumstances show up in our life nor on being dependent on other people.

The Healthy Person merely "goes for it" - just works on creating that which makes him or her happy.

And without all the periphery, made-up struggles from false beliefs, life becomes easy and almost effortless...and we create alot of happiness for ourselves...

We are truly blessed with this opportunity and all that is in the physical world....

(See also the section called One's View Of Life.)

Partially Incapacitated And Life Is Wonderful

2011-10-21T14:27:00.000-07:00

Somehow we have created a false belief in the form of a standard that says "we should be unhappy if we do not meet being highly capable" or "we should be unhappy if we are not as capable as someone else."

You can follow those "rules" but they'll lead you nowhere. And you should know that those rules are merely false, destructive beliefs. In fact, they are total nonsense.

When life is stripped of that nonsense, all that is left is our simply going for what we want in life, making mistakes and accepting that as part of the process, learning, and appreciating what we have.

We can even be partially incapacitated, physically or emotionally, yet still appreciate life. After all, that means we are partially 'capacitated', so we have the ability of getting more of what we want (though not as much as we would have had otherwise). Adding something good to a life already full of things to appreciate is simply a bonus to enjoy. It is only an illusion that we must make ourselves unhappy if we don't have something we want - as there are millions of things we will never get. (See The Unhappiness Gap.)

And it is a reality that we have "more than enough" in life - in fact we have an abundance upon abundance in this life - if we only look and note and appreciate the gift in it all.

Read Partially Incapacitated, 60% of wonderful is wonderful! and then read some of the citations in that piece.

Toward your happiness,

Keith

RESOURCES FOR HAPPINESS

2011-10-01T14:11:00.000-07:00

Because this is the most important skill in life, you might want to really immerse yourself in these resources and drive your understanding and knowledge to a high level - so you can be happier.

I've compiled for your use a list of resources for happiness: books, web sites, videos... Use Resources For Happiness Link.

Of course, The Site has a directory of articles and summaries that are direct and to the point, which you may wish to peruse and link to what is of interest. Contents/Links For Happiness.

Happy reading!

Keith

Learning To Breathe - Finally!

2011-09-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

Myspecial friend, Barbara, said she could not find a single person who hadtriumphed over social anxiety and panic. She also said, I believe, that the specifics of her case were so unique that she doubted there would be a cure forher.

Ican sympathize with that thinking…and how it must make her feel.

ButI know that the thinking is erroneous and that it is essential that it be corrected, if she is to make progress in a shorter period of time. Part of the thinking is that the problem is due to circumstances and/or locked in place by her past. That is not true - and it can be a "reason" for thinking the problem is "fixed, permanent", which is a classic wrong way of thinking - and one that the Buddha cites as being a great source of suffering.

Butfew understand the difficulties of those who experience panic attacks, nomatter that source (the source is always thinking) - it can be a tough road, but the point is that there is a road to peace.

Looking for the story of someone who has succeeded is a useful idea. And certainly those people understand the difficulties.

Onebook that has been written and published recently is a delightful story of the yearof learning to breathe – which, for a panic attack person, is very hard to do,as he/she has learned the wrong way to breathe and made it a habit – but onethat is overcomeable.

Butthe solution does not lie solely in the breathing. Itis in handling each part of the syndrome, which is defined as a combination ofparts.

PriscillaWarner writes in a manner reminiscent of Elizabeth Gilbert in her Eat, Pray,Love book. Her book: Learning To Breathe – My Yearlong Quest ToBring Calm To My Life.

Oras she calls it her “my panic-to-peace project.”

Itis a book that is hard to put down but one with many, many lessons included init, as she rubs shoulders with Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche (who shares how he curedhis panic attacks; see also his book The Joy Of Living) and Krishna Das (who had recovered from many years ofdepression), and many others, each of whom contributed to her seeing andimplementing what works to free herself up from that type of thinking inlife. Yes, breathing is part of it, butonly a manifestation of the cause – which is the type of thinking thatgenerates needless, useless suffering. Tension, and the resultant exhaustion, is also a manifestation of the cause.

(Sheeven generated proof of her changes, by having brain scans that showed her"before" and "after" brains – the latter looked more like that of the happiest people inthe world – Tibetan Buddhist monks. See Rewiring The Brain.)

Iurge you to read the book, whether you are trying to cure your social anxietyand panic attacks or just wanting to live a better life, still with ups anddowns but with lots of “good stuff”. And I urge you to follow in more depth the practices and paths she has taken.

AsI write this, I feel a great sense of peace and appreciation for life.

Keith

Thereare also example after example of people who have overcome depression and/orpanic attacks. I list some their nameson the site, in the depression section, in the Bad Past Good Life section, inthe Panic Attacks section. Review thoseand find a person who resonates. Manyare famous now. Many have devised waysof helping others through the process – though they have products that sell formoney, what they do is very beneficial for the world. Read their stories and follow the clues thatsuccess leaves behind – for it is easier and more productive to follow the pathof one who has already travelled the path you would like to travel. True, you will have to select what works bestfor you, and, true, it might be best to have a guide to help you, but there isa path(s) that works for you!

DAILY INSPIRING PHILOSOPHY, IN DEPTH

2011-09-16T11:10:00.000-07:00

Daily grounding and inspiration is an essential part of centering in your personal power for living your day.

I believe the videos (and the materials) that Brian Johnson has put together are an excellent tool for re-minding and renewing one's life insights and philosophies.

He summarizes one or two great ideas from each of the top 100 books of all time (in his view - and he's done an excellent job). He spends ten minutes discussing each book in a free video on his site.

My page about his material (About The Philosophers Notes) contains a link to the videos and also suggests an order for the books.

This is a major, major resource for (getting and) keeping your life on track. I recommend daily or at least regular use of this resource - and a reading of his book The Philosophers Notes, soon.

This is a top recommendation. Try it. I'm confident you'll like it.

Keith

HOW WOULD YOU LIVE IF EVERY MORNING YOU STARTED OFF WITH TONY ROBBINS?

2011-09-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

I remember many a morning waking up and just seeking the comfort of ... (fill in the blanks). To relax and have a cup of coffee, just to sit there, not have to confront the day...

And I often thought that this was just the way it had to be.

But I had learned and was gradually more "knowing" that I am in charge of determining the way it is, not some mysterious force. I don't need to be a victim of a made-up force, simply existing in my belief system. I don't need to wimp out.

I "knew" that, at varying degrees, but I slipped into the wimpiness of letting that force run me.

Yes, as with all of us, I needed a reminder, something to pull me up by the shorts and have me see the power I can choose in my life - not like a big motivational BS thing, but to actually live it - for a few more moments, minutes, hours... a bit extra added to my life, for however long I can have it added.

And, I would propose this as a good reminder mechanism: Just put into YouTube the term Tony Robbins and watch a few of the videos (or listen to the sounds in the background while you are getting ready). Do it as early as possible and daily.

I guarantee that listening to Tony will seriously disturb any tendence to allow yourself to exist in lethargy or in accepting your being less than you can be..

Indeed, the choice lies not in being "good or bad", for those are BS concepts and impossible to define. The choice lies in who you are going to choose to be in order to be powerful, producing what you want in life, falling down lots, failing lots, but getting up and going for it again - to get to be that person you really want to be - not once in awhile but every day possible, experiencing the quality of life at a much higher level.

As Tony puts it: You can live your "destiny"...

And this will kick your butt into gear in the morning!

Keith

Tony Robbins page on my site

COMPLETE IMMERSION - MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO LEARN HAPPINESS

2011-08-30T12:50:00.000-07:00

Ironically enough, I believe, from all my studies, that the key to happiness is

REMOVING THE OBSTACLES.

The key obstacle to happiness is a set of old, harmful beliefs, perpetuated and uncorrected, that determine your interpretation and outlook on life, oneself, and the world plus being the basis for one's actions. That is no small thing to tackle - and very difficult to do on your own, though it is doable.

The typical approach to trying to solve unhappiness or "not enough" happiness is to do it sporadically and not in enough depth or with enough expertise. That is "not smart!"

The most effective learning/correcting process that I have seen is from

1. Complete immersion (and completion)
2. With expert specialists

So, I would recommend what I believe, per people I know who have taken it: The Hoffman Institute, which is an 8 day intensive with 2 days of putting it all together (at the end).

I would strongly, strongly, strongly recommend not putting this off, as having a happiness base is the most important thing in your life. Delaying it makes no sense - and delay is the very core of the reason you are not where you want to be and/or could be in life. (A friend of mine seems to have tried everything, but ends up with lack of complete understanding and complete implementation, so she struggles forward. But the struggle is needless, if she would partner with these people to move her forward rapidly.)

Do it! (And let me know about your experience!)

Keith

I would recommend that you become an expert in learning, as it will dramatically change your life's quality and content. Scan the front page of The Life University.

Note also that, per the scientific studies, only 10% of happiness is determined by circumstances, with 30% (per the latest updates) being due to a set point due to heredity. With the other 60%, you can dramatically raise your happiness by 1. Learning what actually creates happiness. and 2. Removing the obstacles to happiness. See Happiness.

The Best Self-Help Book Of All

2011-08-19T20:47:00.000-07:00

It is possible, from my extensive readings, that You Can Choose To Be Happy, by Tom G. Stevens, Ph. D., is the best self help book out there, in terms of covering life and how to handle it in a practical, sound way to create the healthiest mental functioning and perspective that I've seen. (Readers rated it 8.3 out of a possible 9.0 on helpfulness.

It's long (330 pages), covers everything from happiness to relationships, but it covers all of what you need to re-form your philosophy, perspective on life, and your mastery of yourself.

It's free on-line or you can purchase a hard copy (which I would absolutely recommend, as this could be the most in-depth building of a better life and a way of functioning that you've ever done). The on-line version allows you to search the book to find exactly what you want when you need it.

And there are a couple of excellent tests you can take, both before and "after".

The site link: Choose To Be Happy Site.

This is such a valuable resource that I have done a separate section, where I've referenced you into a number of key diagrams and summaries in the book. Read My Page On Stevens And His Book.

Let me know what you think and what you're getting out of using it.

My aim is to get better and better at serving you to reach the highest happiness in the most efficient, effective manner possible. Let me know if there is anything specific you want me to develop further.

Keith

THE BEST TWO BOOKS FOR AN OVERVIEW OF LIFE AND SUCCESS

2011-07-30T15:33:00.000-07:00

The big problem is that it takes alot of time to extract what is important from books.

One principle of success is to find someone else who has already done what you would like to do - such as pull out all the principles that comprise the wisdom to run one's life at the best level to create happiness (success).

I would recommend, while you are working with a coach of some sort and doing in-depth work, that you read on the side the following two books. And then I recommend that you keep them on the one shelf you've set up to contain the reminders for life, for instant access, such as recommended in the key Reminders page.

A thick book, but a real masterpiece in terms of effective quick reference, understanding, and perspective is The Success Principles by Jack Canfield. Read the whole thing and you'll be grounded in what works in life, along with the next book... I recommend you read this book several times, also.

Brian Johnson summarizes the best 100 life books for us as part of his key life purpose (see his site www.philosophersnotes.com, enjoy the videos on each book, for free). From this cumulative wisdom, he wrote a masterpiece of a book, with great substance, called The Philosopher's Notes. He covers the subjects masterfully, in one or two pages. (Then you can read the books referenced, if you want to go into even greater depth or buy his summaries, which include MP3s to listen to.)

I recommend strongly that you buy these right away (Amazon, used, good condition).

These are the two books I recommend for anyone doing any program on my site or with anyone, to read on the side while following the program also.

Do this right away...you'll get alot out of it.

Wishing you much happiness as you master the wisdom of living a great life.

Keith

One good quick reference site for emotional/psychological health is HelpGuide.org. Peruse it and use it for reminders.

I Am Too Depressed To Bother Reading Happiness Books

2011-07-30T14:32:00.000-07:00

Recently a "chemically depressed" friend, who is smart but keeps repeating depressing behaviors and thoughts, said to stop recommending books on happiness "as they don't help my depression." (See Curing Depression piece.)

I think that this needs to be cleared up, as it is a viewpoint that is not valid.

The very essence of depression is having beliefs and doing behaviors that produce unhappiness, and to let go of the theoretical dependence on "out there" to create our happiness. Therefore, it would make sense that those who are happy believe the opposite of what the depressed person feels - and it seems obvious that the person who keeps repeating the depressive thinking should change over to and adopt the healthy thinking. (Duh!)

In ALL studies I have seen (which are a lot), happiness is mostly a natural state that can be achieved through removing that which is an obstacle: the thoughts that are erroneous. The thoughts that are erroneous can be spotted with a foolproof mechanism: if you feel bad, it is due to an erroneous thought.

In Thomas Bien's practical, understandable book The Buddha's Way Of Happiness (notice that the title doesn't say "to" happiness), he used the phrase for us "to see that the realm of nonsuffering, the realm of happiness, is right here and now." In other words we need to stop the needless, pointless practices and thinking that are the cause of our suffering - and realize that success and happiness ain't "out there."

Many people poo-poo this idea, but if they really learn more they would certainly agree with it.

See "Moods - Causes And Cures - Removing The Obstacles".

Best Sites For Improving Emotional Health

2011-07-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

Although I am putting together what I believe will be the best in certain key areas of life, I do, as part of that, guide you to other resources. On the site, I have a Resources section, which lists Psychological Resources to peruse and use.

The first website I list is one that I think would be useful for you to explore: Helpguide.org.

It has one of the most thorough, understandable set of short to the point discussions with specifics that I have seen.

Try it. Especially if you want to create a higher level of emotionally healthy thinking.

Toward your happiness,

K

Use Just These Affirmations For Sound Self Esteem

2011-07-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

L. S. Barksdale retired and then spent his life determining how to create self esteem and an understanding of life that allows one to be happy. What he created was, in my opinion, a masterpiece.

And I used it to pull myself up from a "minus" score to a substantial high score (see The Self-Esteem Evaluation on the site, as that should be used to measure one's progress).

I would propose that you honor the learning and advice of this wise man and learn by heart, for instant and constant use in life, his Basic Daily Affirmations For Sound Self Esteem.

It will dramatically alter your life, virtually no matter who you are, as it is the healthiest way of thinking in life.

Yours toward happiness,

K

QuikView: CONTRAST OF HAPPY PEOPLE AND UNHAPPY PEOPLE - WHAT THEY THINK AND DO

2011-07-23T17:33:00.000-07:00

This quick overview (click title for link) contrasts the key elements that make the difference between being happy and unhappy. You can see quickly how they think and what they do.

I would suggest that you do the items on the left!

Although it is difficult to achieve massive happiness in one fell swoop, each of these individual items are attainable - and together they produce happiness.

It is well worth tying this down really, really clearly and committing really, really completely - for it will determine whether you achieve the true purpose of life (happiness).

Make sure, please, that you have these down cold and follow the links until each is "complete" and installed into your life.

This could be the most significant thing you could do in your life!

Toward your happiness,

Keith

USING A "LITTLE BIT A DAY" PROGRAM TO "BE COMPLETE"

2011-07-23T13:00:00.000-07:00

People need to know what to do next. "I don't know what to do or read next, so I just forget about it. So frustrating!"

Or it seems too complicated: "What you ask is so complicated. I just can't do it. It's too hard!"

The solution: Use the tooltolife.com 90 day program where it takes you through each day with an audio, a video, a written piece, exercises, a brain train, etc. - all in about 20 minutes. It teaches you about life.

And you wouldn't be likely to complain of the above, especially since you will learn the point and you'll commit to "not complaining."

(Use the search engine on my site to read the Evaluation Of Tools To Life.)

There's lots to learn, a bit at a time, but alot of wisdom and frankness to get you moving forward.

Once you get a few days into the program, your conversation will be more like:

I wake up each day and I say "It's a great day! I choose to seize this day and make of it what I can!

I've decided that I'm not going to complain nor be negative! To find my opportunities.

I've developed my redlines and my personal laws, so I'm clear and ready to go!

I make things hapen in my life.

I will be a good seeker.

I've worked on my character now such that I can control myself. I'm powerful. I can take my control to a new level.

I ask empowering questions, such as "how can I live my life the best way possible?"

You can do it.

You are powerful.

You really are.

That's just a sampling of stuff you'll begin to memorize and have your brain automatically be able to recall and use. You'll have a great pep talk every day - something, I think, is incredibly valuable and missing in life (and you'll learn to devise and then use your own pep talk daily).

There is much wisdom taught in this progressive, clever program - oh, and it's free, no gimmicks.

Please consider doing this! www.toolstolife.com

Yours toward a happy life,

Keith

THE HOW OF HAPPINESS

2011-04-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

Brian Johnson, of Philosopher's Notes, has summarized 100 of the most important books ever written on life.

He says, in his book A Philosopher's Notes, that if there were only one book people could read what would that one be?

His pick, which I respect and honor, is Sonja Lyubomirsky's "brilliant" The How Of Happiness.

Enough said. Buy it. Read it.

No Negative Conversation!

2010-10-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

"If only people could see that one cannot achieve his/her much desired peace of mind if one does not totally give up negative conversations - inside or outside of oneself!!!!!"

The BuddhaKahuna

I would encourage adopting the practices and "truth-telling" in the No Negative Conversations piece, as it is vital to your peace of mind (in lieu of having a "piece of mind" that is toxic).

And sometimes one might need the cooperation of another person who is doing 'toxic dumping' in his/her conversations with you.

However, confronting that person and making this point is often awkward and not well-done in a conversation. So, being creative, you might write a frank, but kind, note requesting no negative conversations for the sake of your peace of mind. Few people can turn this type of request down, though you may have to remind them once in a while, until they get the new habit. (And that habit will benefit the other person's life also!) See Request For No Negative Conversation.

Try this. Try enlisting the other person - and enlisting yourself - in making "no negative conversation" a sacred honoring of the other and of oneself.

Keith

A Quick Pick Me Up - To Stop Entertaining Negative Thoughts -

2010-10-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

Although you should follow the program to re-do the nonsense thoughts, it is also beneficial to just recognize a nonsense, nonhelpful thought and then refuse to entertain it. Every thought entertained actually creates a physical strengthening of the rewiring in your brain - so it is more likely to come up again - aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh! (See How The Mind Works - and understand it so that you do the right moves and avoid the wrong moves!)

To stop the undesirable thought, we need to do something that is the opposite of it and excludes it. What works every time for me to overcome my primitive brain in its repeated crappola is to dance to Club/Dance music on the free (for 40 hours a month) internet radio: go to Pandora Internet Radio (it's great!).

This is all part of the section Creating "Up" , for the short term or long term.

Happy dancing!

Keith

Repeated Undesired "Habits" - Completion

2010-10-01T13:36:00.000-07:00

Barbara and anyone else who needs to "complete",

It seems that virtually all of us do not "complete" 'that which is not serving us.' If that is true for you, then I recommend you not do anymore of what doesn't work. (Duh!)

So many of us go 'gather knowledge' and never utilize it, so that we can talk a good game, but not play a truly good game. (See Authentic Learning, particularly "Know Can Do". Follow and live this way and your life will be infinitely better.)

Indeed, this saying is true: "What you do not complete, you are doomed to repeat."

So, the bottomline, if we want a better life, is that we need to find a new (and better) way, instead of repeating old unworkable ways, living a Groundhog Day life. (Google "Groundhog Day" and then watch the movie - then you decide what you want to do.)

The gradual way that works because it is so easy is the "Read Ten Pages A Day" commitment, where you read a mere ten pages, in the morning or before bed, of a book that will help you become more skillful about life.

The other key way I'd recommend for almost anyone is the "complete immersion" or "completion" approach, where you set aside time to complete something all in one block of time (or blocks of time). Read Completion, as a source of personal power and happiness.

Where there is continued "negative thinking" or retained problems from childhood, for example, you need something like the extended program at the toply reputed Hoffman Institute.

Another immersion is into the "mind training" disciplines. I like the content of the Buddhist teachings (dharma) if you pull out some of the extreme parts - the center of the teachings is the best wisdom I have seen in any discipline. You can google for a Buddhism center near you, where you can learn the type of thinking and choose the degree to which you do the mind training (including meditation) to fit you. Read about Buddhism, its usefulness, and how to use it, clicking on this link: Buddhism. Having a place to go and a sangha (community of like minded supportive people) is of immense impact.

May you "complete" what you need to know to live a skillful and happy life, without relics from old thinking.

Keith

RULING YOUR OWN WORLD, INSTEAD OF...

2010-09-21T15:46:00.001-07:00

"Unless you thoroughly create a new version of yourself, you will keep operating as the old version. What could be simpler as an idea? I recommend, as your life depends on it, that you create a new, higher version of yourself that is fully reaping all the happiness that is so available to us as humans."

The BuddhaKahuna

Although this is so very basic, few people see that they are continuing to live their old life (their old fears and beleived threats).

In this conversation with Barbara, we address the seemingly uncontrollable feelings (of fear and of rage) and her "conversation" about it. She has now reached a stage where she is ready to alter her conversation - ready in terms of capabilities - but not ready yet to actually choose to "do the work" that is necessary.

In this piece, we cover how we set ourselves up for this and what the problem sequence is and how to solve it and becoming totally no longer a people pleaser.

Read: 9/21/10 Self-creation of "feeling bad","acting bad", and stopping that! (Use the link below and link to this piece just under Intro, on the upper left.)

I hope this ties together much of your training in self-management AND that you make the key and vital decision that will have you controlling your life rather than have circumstances and people rule your world!

Keith

(This piece is under the Barbara Section, Content And Links.)

QUICK IMPLEMENTATION OF THE 80/20 RULE

2010-09-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

IC,

As you go into a challenging year of teaching and back into the arena of exhaustion and displeasure, I urge you to consider doing the quick forms in Quick Implementation Of The 80/20 Rule. You cannot afford to pay such a great price AND it is time you had a great year - and this is the opportunity for it!!!!

This will help you to:

1. Get rid of those things most holding you back and causing you unnecessary suffering.

(Note that all suffering is unnecessary as in Suffering And Struggle on the Life Management site.)

2. To spend your time only on highly beneficial activities, freeing up the time from lesser activities.

3. Have lots of free time (believe it or not) and to be sure to keep yourself refreshed and vital.

The quick summary of the rules before starting the forms is worthwhile reprinting here, as these laws (implemented as rules) will change your life so dramatically that you'll be amazed - and very pleased:

Pareto’s Law: 80% of the results come from the top 20% most impactful sources.

Corresponding rule: Only 20% of the results come from the bottom 80% of the sources.

First conclusion: Focus first on the top 20% and do more of them, for more desired results.

Second conclusion: Cut out as much as possible of the lower 80% - and free up life for more high results activities!!!!

Parkinson’s Law: The time taken on something will expand to take the space allotted.

Corresponding law: Don’t allow anything but the appropriate amount of time compared to importance; in fact, try to allow the least possible, as the extra work and details in the lower 80% have very little benefit. (See Law Of Diminishing Returns, which refers to getting less and less out of the extra work or input once we reach a certain point – helps us determine when to stop something.)

Again, I'll guarantee you transformative results if you implement the new choices you'll have!

Keith

Link to Living The 80/20 Life and then to Quick Implementation.

The Realities Of Life

2009-11-21T14:18:00.000-08:00

High mental and emotional health come when one learns and accepts the realities of life - and then works in accordance with them to create a life one loves.

These are the Realities Of Life. Included are links to the Principles and Laws Of Life.

If you honor the realities and laws of life, you will achieve happiness, for sure.

(Link by clicking on the title of this piece, above.)

Go through each and correct whatever you are thinking that conflicts with those (or if you disagree, shoot me an email and I'll address it).

This will definitely change your life for the better!

Keith

EXCUSES BEGONE! POSSIBILITYLAND

2009-11-18T17:12:00.000-08:00

Justifications, excuses, and reasons-why-not keep us trapped.

And they become part of our identity, as they seem so fixed and unchangeable.

But in this conversation with Barbara she really nailed what was happening and how to let go of it.

She was listening to Wayne Dyer in a recorded seminar when Dyer brought up Byron Katie's "truth test". Her justifications and reasons-why-not did not meet the truth test.

Therefore, she had no argument left that there weren't any possibilities of her getting better.

A great and illuminating conversation - and a breakthrough for Barbara!

I think you'll get some clarity out of reading the piece I wrote (click on the title of this blog).

Keith

The Beliefs Of A Happy Person - An Example

2009-10-10T17:44:00.000-07:00

Success leaves clues...

So it pays to find our what a successful person does and then to do something at least close to it.

Here, under Examples Of Philosophies Of Happy People, read The Viewpoints And Affirmations Of A Happy Woman.

I hope you will use this to derive similar types of beliefs (or even copy some of these, as they are very workable).

Keith

Link:
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/Philosophical/Overall/ExamplesPhilHappyPeople.html

The "Cure" Lies Not In Giant Leaps But In Doing Doable Steps

2009-10-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

The conversation that "I have to be more confident and then I'll be happy" has some mistruth in it, but the biggest factor is that confidence (or any desired state) is only attainable through discreet "doables".

"Doables" are actual actions you can take to "get to" some desired result. One cannot "do" the result, one can only do the steps to the result.

When a person says "I have done that before and I haven't achieved the results" that means that they did not find the discreet steps that need to be done to get to the result - that they did something else which sounded similar but was, for sure, incomplete.

An extreme example is "I have tried positive thinking before and it didn't work." The problem is not "positive thinking", but identifying all the steps to implement that state of being and to get the ultimate results that one wants.

As Tony Robbins (and any NLP practitioner) would say: If you can find out exactly what the other person did, you can achieve the results that the other person achieved.

Again, if you did not get the result, it is that you didn't discover and then do the doables.

May you achieve much success in what it takes for you to be truly happy,

Keith

Also, note that one can eliminate alot of pain if one solves the "cause" of a problem and not just the symptoms:
http://happyeffectivelife.blogspot.com/2009/08/eliminating-97-of-pain-in-life.html

Link to The Basis For Using Doables - There Is No Success Without This:
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/LifeMgmt/SuccessRe8d/Doables.html

The Thinking Of A Happy Person - As A Model

2009-10-09T11:41:00.000-07:00

One of the happiest people I know did me the favor of sharing with me an "affirmations" writing she did a few years back.

I can see why she is so happy with a viewpoint and philosophy like that.

You may enjoy reading The Viewpoints And Affirmations Of A Happy Woman. You can link to the page it is on by clicking on the link below. The page is called Examples Of Philosophies Of Happy People.

It is easier to formulate good affirmations, statements, and declarations (all part of the Affirming/Empowering part of the Psychology section) from already written examples, picking and choosing and adapting them to what fits you .

An excellent, powerful philosophy will totally transform one's life and happiness. I recommend that you complete one for yourself, as it will save you alot of "misfires" and unnecessary unhappiness.

Keith

Links:

Examples Of The Philosophies Of Happy People:
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/Philosophical/Overall/ExamplesPhilHappyPeople.html
Empowering Self-Conversations:
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/SiteMapIBIAffEm.html
Philosophy Of Life:
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/SiteMapICPhilos.html

100% RESPONSIBILITY????

2009-09-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

Do you "get to" be a bit irresponsible, a bit "at effect"?

You can choose to "feel" that way and "think" that way, but it doesn't work.

Most people don't know what this fully means.

Some think they are powerful, yet they get angry and impatient and unkind. I can guarantee that is not responsible nor fully powerful.

Some think they get to be rescued, but that doesn't work either.

See where you are on the spectrum? You may be surprised.

To your next key decision that will lead to a more vital life,

Keith

http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/LifeMgmt/PowerInLife/Responsibility100percent.html

WHAT TO BE GRATEFUL FOR

2009-09-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

Since unhappiness comes from the idea of lack, the opposite is the idea of gratitude for what is.

I've added a section called What To Be Grateful For (click on title above to link) so that you can have something that will instigate more ideas for you to use and hopefully to help in keeping that "attitude of gratitude" that will serve you toward greater happiness.

It is my opinion that there is no greater creator of happiness (and/or uncreator of unhappiness).

Spend a few hours at getting these down, as it will pay off tremendously in your life. The benefits are far beyond what you currently believe!

Enjoy!

Keith

Links:

The Gratitude section:
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/SiteMapIBIIGratitude.html
The examples:
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/Psychological/Gratitude/ExamplesWhatToBeGratefulFor.html
The Reminders Notebook:
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/LifePlan/GroundRemNtbk/GRINotebookAndContents.html

"SPIRITUALITY" CAN BE "NOT POWERFUL"

2009-09-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

Many people use such terms as "may the spirit guide me". This is both useful and possibly harmful.

It is useful in that it opens one to accessing more parts of the brain for a better overall view of the relevant facts.

It is not useful to the degree it is believed to be anything other than a metaphor (but one that is not true, per se). There is no provable "spirit" out there, one that is operating as an independent entity from oneself. It has no more validation than making believe and personifying the devil - that is all magical thinking.

We "make up" things to explain the unexplainable or not fully seen aspects of life. Some make-ups are useful, but it is far more useful to use facts and full reasoning.

If we use facts and full reasoning, we will come to the conclusion that the power is in us, in our incredible memory and our incredible ability to reason about what we access from memory and what we observe in the real world. We are the source of the power - not some outside entity.

Read this section and see if you agree and want to use the Statement Of Fact And Intent, at the end of the discussion.

The point here is that it is more powerful to recognize that the source of power is not "out there" in some spiritual being, but is entirely within you and entirely accessible and usable for more effectively creating the life you want.

May you be more powerful in your life as a result of this understanding.

Keith

http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/Philosophical/SpiritualSuccessSelfImprov/SpiritualityDefined.html#top

OPTIMISM BY HELEN KELLER

2009-09-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

Try being less than an optimist after reading this piece excerpting from the book Optimism, by Helen Keller. (Click on the title of the article.)

She makes it clear that we need not suffer if we don't have it all.

She makes it clear what is valuable and attainable - and that there is no reason for anything other than optimism about life.

She reaffirms what practices we need to do to assure optimism.

She reaffirms what the highest thinkers of the ages have determined.

If you hold in mind her circumstances of being blind, deaf, and dumb, you will be so moved by what she says.

Enjoy!

And I hope you'll make the choice!

Keith

http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/Psychological/Happiness/OptimismHelenKeller.html

EVEN QUICK RELAXATION HAS BIG PAYOFFS!

2009-09-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

RELAXATION---Crucial for HEALTH
© C. Norman Shealy, M.D., Ph.D.

"As early as 1929, Edmund Jacobson, in his masterpiece, PROGRESSIVE RELAXATION, demonstrated that 80% of what were at that time called psychosomatic diseases (and I would call stress diseases) could be controlled by his form of deep relaxation. By 1932, J.H. Schultz had demonstrated the same effect with his technique, autogenic training. By 1969, the first of 6 volumes on Autogenic Therapy, with 2600 scientific references, demonstrated the effectiveness of autogenic training in improving athletic performance, business effectiveness, and student grades, as well as successful treatment for a majority of stress illnesses, such as hypertension, anxiety, many types of pain, etc. There are thousands of studies on the benefits of deep relaxation. In the 1970's Herb Benson demonstrated that relaxation lowered adrenalin production and insulin requirement by 50% for 24 hours! "

Is that enough to convince you to take advantage of these simple techniques, linked from our site?

I love the practices of relaxation in a few minutes from the counting backward and from the muscle tense-relax technique, as it takes virtually no time and has such a great effect in the middle of an otherwise adrenaline rushed day!

Keith

http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/Physical/RelaxationRest/RelaxationMainPage.html

MY TOP 25 GRATITUDE AFFIRMATIONS

2009-09-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

Although the site (www.thelifemanagementalliance.com) has many affirmations and items to be grateful for and to pick from, I realize how difficult it is to just focus on a few.

But I wanted something where I didn't have to flip through so many pages, as I had included in my Reminders Notebook (see link below) all of the affirmation pieces. (I do, however, recommend you consider keeping them available in your notebook for perusing occasionally.)

So I offer what seemed to strike me as enough to fully re-center me on how great life is and how much of a privilege it is just to be alive.

And, I am grateful that I had the time and resources to be able to add this to my Happiness Tool Kit, where I can review it every day to make sure that my mind and myself are in a very high state of resourcefulness and "feeling good"! (Click on the article title to get a copy of the top 25 piece.)

Keith

Link to Reminders Notebook:
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/LifePlan/GroundRemNtbk/GRINotebookAndContents.html

FROM NEGATIVE TO POWERFUL THINKING

2009-09-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

I was thinking this was all a bit like sports, where we want the "right" team to win.

One team has been in existence for years and year and has great and overpowering abilities. It is the "Protection Team", with its plays dependent on plays from the old days, but they are so well practiced that they work.

The other team is fresh and new, but bound and determined to be a winner in as little time as possible, but realizes its practical limitations.

The team does not have a "playbook" and has no listing of what it needs to practice to get good at, but it would seem that would be a super priority.

The playbook might not be so great at first, but it'll shape up over time as we "learn" on the playing field what works and what doesn't - and we will be sure to learn as quickly as possible, since losing to the other team is not so pleasant.

This new team realizes it will lose a lot at first, so it's main short term goals will be to learn as much as possible as quickly as possible and as well as possible. And this team knows that it may not be the best team ever (though it could be) but that it will, absolutely, learn to be a good team that will have a good share of wins with fewer and fewer losses....

The equivalent of a "playbook" and a "list of practices" is The Reminders Notebook (click on title to link).

May your "Positivity Team" prosper from its new plays and its practicing of what works!

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

HAPPINESS PRACTICE: SINGING TO YOURSELF

2009-09-08T13:24:00.000-07:00

One of the "happy practices" is to sing an inspiring song in full voice.

I notice that when I do that in my non-church church (The Peace Song) I feel more powerful and more expressive and more up.

I have read also that the brain circuitry required to sing is completely different than what is used for the "worry" or "negativity" circuits, so that singing is not only a diversion but also creates a "rewiring" to more of the "cheery" stuff!

Also, it is one of the recommended practices to use when it is necessary to stop a negative spiraling thought pattern - you know, one of those useless and usually harmful Dumb And Dumber conversations using the old circuits...just start powerfully singing one of your songs!
(You can even do it in your dream-like sleeping state, but obviously not outloud.)

It is useful to identify 3 or 4 or more songs that you love and are positively inspiring and then learn them. Keep a list in your Reminders Notebook. See the Inspiration section, Music, for sources of lyrics and a few artists who sing positive inspiring songs.

Let me know how this works for you and/or any suggestions for great songs for people.

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

Link to Reminders Notebook: http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/LifePlan/GroundRemNtbk/GRINotebookAndContents.html

Link to Music: http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/Resources/MusicVideos.html

THE PAST - NO LONGER A SOURCE OF PAIN

2009-08-31T16:07:00.000-07:00

There is no legitimate reason under the sun as to why you should experience any future or present pain from the past!!!!!

"Of course!," you say, "but how in the heck do I do that?"

It's fairly simple, almost too simple, but it is very doable.

Read the section called "The Past And Now, The Future, Regrets, And A 'Poor' Past." (Click on the article title above, to link to it.)

In it you'll find a new way of looking at the past as simply the path that got you here, where you could not have done any better given your circumstances, your beliefs from the inputs you got, and your awareness level from all of those. The full understanding of this stops at least some of the arguments for shame, blame, regret, etc.

Developing an arsenal of "answers" and using them in conjuction with no longer tolerating negative conversations, ever, ever, ever is implemented through the use of the same methods where one deals with any negative or depressive thinking as suggested in the special strategic piece included in that article. (I recommend that you build that arsenal, starting with the Re-Mind-Ers Notebook.)

Note that you can stop all negative thinking about the future and yourself also, using the same simple technique.

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/Psychological/EmotionManagement/PastAndNow.html

ELIMINATING 97+% OF PAIN IN LIFE

2009-08-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

As pointed out in the section entitled Pain (click on article title to link), the great irony of life is that we spend huge amounts of effort and time seeking relief from the pain and stress, which we created in the first place.

Wouldn't it make alot more sense and save a lot of time and pain, to just not create the pain and stress in the first place?

Part of the problem is that we seek so many things from others, going through lots of failures, attempting to exert lots of control and manipulation. The plain truth is that we are seeking them from the "wrong" source in the first place!

In the Pain section, we propose that there is a Simple Solution, one that simply eliminates the cause in the first place, one which cuts out the waste of time involved in trying to cure the symptoms.

Wouldn't it be great to not spend so much time in life seeking relief and waiting to be happier or more settled?

Read this and the links to The Game Of Life and to the section about what your needs really are!

Yes, 'tis very possible to eliminate 97+% of pain in life! (Also, view the movie A Beautiful Mind, as it relates to all of this!)

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/LifeMgmt/OverallLM/GAMEOFLIFE.html
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/SiteMapIBINeeds.html

ELIMINATE PSYCHOLOGICAL "PROBLEMS" VIA PHILOSOPHY

2009-08-22T16:25:00.000-07:00

If we had a sound philosophy, we wouldn't spend time feeling psychologically bad about whether we were "good enough" or whether life is "safe" enough.

Basically, with a sound philosophical understanding on how life works, we would not create unhappiness. We would not "fall short" nor set ourselves up to do that.

Philosophy is a set of viewpoints from which life can be seen realistically. If we resist reality, we then suffer, as the Buddhists pointed out.

Philosophy could also be said to be a "set of beliefs". We deal with beliefs in psychology and we identify dysfunctional beliefs as the cause of all problems in psychology - and rightly so!

So if we had correct beliefs about the world, life, and who we are, then we would not suffer in the first place.

So, I think learning philosophy (the practical parts) could be incredibly useful - and eliminate psychological problems!!!!

If we accept reality, then we accept undesired outcomes. If we accept undesired outcomes and take full responsibility for our happiness, then we eliminate a major source of fear and can become Fearless (see that section!).

If self-worth and being "good enough" were properly understood, then we could get rid of the misery and just apply our efforts toward maximizing our "Feeling Good".

Simply click on this article's title to link to the Life Philosophy section and click on the topics on the right side - get a better perspective and understanding of life and you'll eliminate alot of the BS (belief systems) that is harming your psyche - and you'll be free just to enjoy life!

Read those, and then put together an incredibly empowering Life Philosophy that will result in enduring happiness!

Bon voyage!

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

YOUR BRAIN IS MECHANICAL - DON'T FORGET THAT!

2009-08-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

Your brain is just a mechanical object.

Most of it is in the primitive but highly effective category.

But what is it highly effective for?

For doing things over and over, automatically, to help us survive.

But only a small part of it is able to think and be directly used.

The problem of unhappiness lies in our taking the mechanical, almost random thoughts and heeding their content. They are designed to barrage you until you do something with them. They are designed for survival, not happiness. And they'll bombard you with thousands of thoughts a day, most of which are not at all useful.

They will mostly try to corral you, telling you you're bad or something is wrong, so you'll do something about it.

But the problem is that most of the thoughts are no longer useful, many unthought out since childhood!

And if you're letting a mechanical thing run your life with old thoughts running along a neuronal pathway over and over again, you are letting Dumb and Dumber (see the mind discussion on The Site) run your life.

To have great things in your mind, guess who has to put them there!

You, using your higher brain.

How?

One way that works is to put together what you want to focus on and to create new thoughts and beliefs that you want to review and memorize. To do that, you could simply populate the Reminders Notebook and work with that. It is marvelous for regaining your perspective and gaining great confidence and happiness in life.

You'll transform your thoughts and literally change your life dramatically for the better.

Try it! It's worth it!

Keith
See http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/ . Click on the title above to go to the Reminders Notebook section.

THE FIRST LESSON IN "MIND MANAGEMENT"

2009-08-18T10:54:00.000-07:00

Mark Hyman, M. D., author the The Ultra Brain Solution, when talking about OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) remarked that one of the most impactful strategies was to teach them to, when they have a compulsive thought, to say to themselves:

"It's not real! It's only my brain talking!"

You might recall in the movie Beautiful Mind how he learned that when he "saw" those people that he no longer needed to believe they were real and he knew they were just figments of one's imagination (lower brain, automatic signals without thinking, that simply run along the established neuronal pathway!).

Believing in ghosts is not a great idea. Taking the advice of fools or jesters is not a good idea. Believing our thoughts are true or that messages from the lower brain are true is an absolutely horrible, unwise idea!!!!!!

So, how do you get to the point of actually realizing this? Read about mind management on The Site. And, believe it or not, address every unverified, not-yet-reasoned-out thought with "It's not real. It's only my brain talking! It is not a reasoned out thought nor necessarily true. I will rely only on reasoned out conclusions in my life."

I think it is important to realize that most of us are somewhere on the OCD spectrum, in the milder worry and undue concern areas. With this simple practice, one can move even further down the spectrum, to a much happier place. (Some of you may find it useful to read the section on Worry, under the Psychology section.)

Believe it or not, listing the above statements in the affirmations you read every day will lower the degree of worry and calm your mind over the long term.

I hope you do that.

Keith

The Site: www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

DEATH (OF FAULTY THINKING) BY IMMERSION

2009-08-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

One of the most successful fastest turnarounds I've ever seen by one person in the low self esteem and no-power pit was accomplished by immersion into what works and what is positive.

She sought every bit of advice from me and did every exercise recommended and read every book, etc.

She collected the most awesome set of CD's that I've seen and listened over and over to them.

Today, she is one of the most positive, enlightened people I know, offering even me a higher perspective at times.

Some of you may want to do some of the things she did and you might enjoy and greatly benefit from the The Master List Of Key Books, CD's, DVDs, And Workshops. (Click on title of this article to link and then click on the master list link.)

Have a great time on your bibliojourney to high happiness by immersion!

Keith

LONELINESS - WHAT IS IT?

2009-08-01T15:46:00.000-07:00

(Click on title to link to that section.)

Ah, loneliness. A dear old subject, especially as I see more and more people in today's culture "suffering" from it.

However, people with a certain mindset don't actualy suffer from it, though they might feel some twinges from our old instinctual system. But, as we've discussed, we can use our higher brain to choose another route.

So, I've addressed loneliness on the site. There is the "why do we get lonely?" question and answer, of course.

But we discuss the source, from some childhood thinking that does not serve us anymore. (I know, you don't buy that statement...yet.)

Then we link into some great articles on what to do to cope with loneliness, some of which buy into the victimness of it but do still provide actions (which is the opposite of "victim") and some of which are very, very clear that it is a "mental construct" that we just made up and can dissolve upon examination.

Of course, I agree with the latter.

Click on the title above and email me to let me know what you think (or simply comment on this blog - no naughty words however).

May you stand for what works and receive great, great benefits!

Keith

THE TIMER TOOL - LITTLE THINGS OUT OF THE WAY!

2009-07-30T16:07:00.000-07:00

Setting a timer, pretty simple, but hugely effective for procrastinators, people in a hurry, and/or people needing to "calm down" and/or "feel better". (Click on the title above to link into the full explanation and use.)

I, myself, will catch "me" just going and going, with no break, as I want to get things done quickly. Alot of the time I am generating all of these ideas and multitasking, like a mad scientist - and I need to grab some "settling" time.

Not good!

So I use this method (see the source in the article) to do a 1 minute meditation or a 5 minute nap.

I know I can spare a minute.

And I know that if I don't set a timer, I won't even last a minute.

I also know that I'll pass by things that are a mess or need to be picked up, so I use the two minute rule. I set a timer for two minutes and stop at the end. Lots fewer piles. Things look better, I feel better.

I love the 1 minute "mood setter" where I set a tone for what I am about to do (or for the day) - I just feel so much better. It's not really what one is doing or one's circumstances that affect one's happiness, it is how one sets oneself up to see it and to feel good about it or despite it.

The "Timer Tool" is one of the top recommendations, though simple, for your Life ToolKit.

Just click on the title above - if you've got a minute.

Here's to greater piece of mind and fewer messes!

Keith

THE TRUTHS IN LIFE

2009-07-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

Continued...

Tara Brack in Radical Acceptance

The Truths in life are actually:

I am worthy simply because I do exist.[1]

There are endless creativity and possibilities that exist in living this life!

There is simply no truth (we made it all up) in the three concepts that have us suffering: good/bad, right/wrong and my survival is threatened as I am not powerful enough.
I am powerful, period.

I am simply he/she who experiences (and there is no right/wrong, good/bad).

We will cease to exist only one time. The others are all false and needless alarms.

The only question is: How high shall I go?

[1] If a baby is worthy when the baby can only cry, take in food and liquids and excrete same, then how can we after becoming much more useful and functional be any less worthy?

Click on title to link to Acceptance section.

NO NEED FOR UNHAPPINESS ANYMORE

2009-07-27T21:12:00.000-07:00

It is remarkable when one sees it - that we, not realities, create our own unhappiness. AND we create it from not accepting reality and expecting it to be so different.

Tara Brach, in her book Radical Acceptance (one of the top must read books for my old guru), says (see my summary in the Acceptance section of The Site, click on title):

Almost all threats are not real and are strictly fabricated as a childish way of “protecting” oneself from the concept of “non-survival,” there is nothing left to not accept.

The false beliefs that cause us not to accept (and cause us suffering) are:

- We are defective, unworthy, incomplete, basically flawed, something is fundamentally wrong with us.

- Something bad is going to happen.

- We must avoid disapproval.

We adapt to our false beliefs by spending our time, energies, and lives on:

1. Trying to manage the pain, trying to soothe ourselves
2. Avoiding the pain
3. Trying to stave it off by replaying worries and plans
4. Addictions (substances, people, romance, stimulation) that numb us out
5. Hiding who we are and operating in fear of being discovered.
The irony here is that we don’t know who we are and we assume we are
everything around us. We are pure awareness and love.

Ironic - we created the pain - and then we try to manage it. There are huge amounts of time and energy saved when we stop this game!

Then the only question is "How high shall I go?" [Feeling free, effortlessly...]

CREATING THE BIGGEST "NET" FEEL GOOD

2009-07-23T16:21:00.000-07:00

(Click on the title of this blog piece to go to "Feeling Good Vs. Feeling Bad - Creating The Biggest 'Net' Feel Good" to read more in-depth and to link to items of further interest.)

This is what all life is about - the enduring "feel good" of life.

All we need to do is:

1. Find out what induces each type of feeling
2. Follow the "doable" actions that create feel goods and/or diminish feel bads, rather than
"try" positive thinking or some intangible that is hard to get your arms around.

THE FINAL FORMULA

FEELING GOODS MINUS FEELING BADS = NET FEEL GOODS

The ingredients:

Sending calming signals to the lizard brain
Breathing, relaxation, soothing/calming statements
Eliminating untrue, dysfunctional beliefs; replacing them (Duh!)
No longer expecting happiness to come from outcomes or circumstances or
people.
Learning and accepting reality, not resisting it
Using "what works" as the only remaining criterion in life (no "right/wrong/blame", "not
good enough", or "there is lots of danger" dysfunctional beliefs)
Focused processes
Meditation - To rewire the brain long term
Soothing, nurturing actions
Keeping oneself in a high state of resourcefulness
Staying in perspective, using the reasoning brain for decisions
Learning intensely about life, to increase one's appreciation of life

Is it worth doing the above? (Duh!)

May you know the great happiness that is the true potential in this life.

The BuddhaKahuna
His Holey Irreverend
The Temple Of The Ultimate Truth
"When it comes to wisdom, he is really full of it."

NOT AS HAPPY AS YOU COULD BE? TRY THIS.

2009-07-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

If we are not as happy as we could be, do we just let it be, as if it were permanent?

Or as if it was too much effort compared to the result?

I would say the "result" is life itself - which I would rather consider worth everything!

We settle for too little. But Robert Mack didn't.

Suffering from depression, he wrote about depression: "It was something that was logically sound and experientially proven. Everything either was bad now or would be bad soon, would forever be bad on all occasions and in all places, and there was little, if anything, I could do about any of it. That is precisely what I thought..."

Considering suicide or "fixing" himself: "And so, left with the only real, actionable alternative I could find, I proceeded to throw myself passionately into self-help books, studies on cognitive therapy, psychocybernetics, and so on..." He had decided to "make happiness my career."

He succeeded and wrote an excellent book that is very readable on...guess what! The title is "Happiness From The Inside Out, The Art And Science Of Fulfillment".

I recommend that you read it and learn the realities of life, belief, and how we can see life - and begin to be more of a master at creating the life you could really have.

The BuddhaKahuna

Changing Your Limiting Beliefs - Completely!

2009-07-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

Barbara,

In order to get past limiting beliefs we must first see that they aren't true. Then we must have a true statement that will replace them. You have several traps in your limiting beliefs, such as "I can't ...., therefore I'll never ... which means I can't..." - self-fulfilling prophecies which aren't permanent.

The best treatment for now, from resources I've reviewed is in the detailed The Belief Manual. It lists all the limiting beliefs and then sets up sets of replacement beliefs that are the opposite.
I think this is the best way to go, so that we can have selected true statements to use to offset the dribbling of limiting thoughts from Dumb and Dumber (see Managing The Mind discussion on The Site). For a description of that book, go to Psychology, Beliefs/Thoughts, Individual Beliefs (to link, click on the title of this article) then to Resources.

This would be an easy book to take on your trip to China, as you can work on the little pieces one at a time during idle times.

There is no way around this, as it can only be done by going through it. So let's complete these and then move on to the formation of an overall solid life philosophy* that serves you at a higher level.

Let's check with each other once you've done the basic work.

I guarantee this will make a substantial difference, as changing the way one thinks has the highest payoff of anything you can do with your time!

Keith
The Site: www.thelifemanagementalliance.com .

*Link: http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/SiteMapICPhilos.html

Happiness and Acceptance of Reality - No Suffering

2009-07-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

A quote from a 76-year study of what makes life work:

“Herein lies the key to a good life--not rules to follow, nor problems to avoid-- but an engaged humility, an earnest acceptance of life’s pains and promises.”*

The key statement, I believe, from my studies is about "earnest acceptance." Indeed, the Buddha speaks of the source of suffering as being wishing reality were different than it is and grasping onto unrealistic expectations in life.

Into each life some undesired outcomes will happen. And if we believe they "shouldn't" happen, then we are doing what is called adding unnecessary suffering to the pain.

And, now, I am going to make a bold statement. First, let's define "pain" to be that which comes from a physical discomfort, but in this case I am excluding the dysfunctions due to stress that we inappropriately put on the body's mechanisms. If I created a formula for pain and suffering it would look like this:

Naturally occurring pain + stress caused pain + mental suffering added = Total pain/suffering

The bold statement is that the naturally occurring pain in life is only 1% or less of the total - and that we create all the rest.

If we didn't wish reality was different and if we just accepted reality as it is and appreciated it, then are life would be incredibly free of pain and suffering!

Ironically, we either are ignorant of the cause of the greatest problem blessed human beings have or we think we get something by "suffering" - or both.

Click on the title above to link to the section that will give you a thorough grounding on how NOT to suffer (and live with only the necessary amount of anxiety to keep our attention, but without suffering!).

Here's to your making the conversion and giving up all (at least 80%?) of your suffering!

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com (Go to the Happiness section and the Gratitude section for what to replace suffering with....)

*From the very extensive article What Makes Us Happy? in the Atlantic Monthly, at http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200906/happiness

THIS IS WHAT YOU’RE GIVEN IN LIFE. WILL YOU ACCEPT THE WHOLE DEAL?

2009-06-30T16:27:00.000-07:00

Once you move to a location, you “get” to have the weather. Some rain, some storms, some very cold days, some very hot, some in between. Will you be damning the weather a lot of the days or will you be looking at the whole year and saying that it all works out on average?

And, if you do damn the weather, what do you think you’ll get out of it?

Looking at it logically, with reasoning, if you damn the weather, you will be irritating yourself and sending bad chemicals out into your body. (You’ll be using a function used in caveman days that required action, which would then burn off the bad chemicals, essentially, so that you didn’t have long term damage. But you’ll leave the damage in this case.)

Other than deciding to move elsewhere, you simply “get” to accept what is there. No damning will change the weather. You simply adapt, and maybe even appreciate what you do have.

Now what we were actually talking about is that you get a life which on average has some pretty good stuff in it with some storms and some limitations. Overall it is good.

Should you then damn things that come up that you don’t like? Should you wish they weren’t so? Should you wish that you could be the smartest, best looking, sexiest, rich person you would like to be or should you simply accept that the basics of life are damned good and the only thing that will make you unhappy in the long run is yourself damning what happens, damning the imperfection of life?

Well, duh!

The answer is obvious. But then why do we complain, bitch, worry excessively, stress ourselves – all objecting to not having it our way (like a child) or to not having things work out better for us. Without the negative evaluations, we get x number of sunny days that we wouldn’t have had otherwise. And we lose nothing in the other days – UNLESS we stress ourselves about it instead of adapting. Indeed, many people conclude that life isn’t so good on average, but amazingly enough that is only because they have inserted so much unnecessary suffering into the balance! Without the suffering added, life itself is good – very good, even wonderful!

The other metaphor I like is the one about the ocean. To fill in the metaphor, we are given this vast amount of water, upon which there are waves on the surface, which can sometimes seem treacherous to us, but in fact the vast, by far, greater part is calm and deep water underneath. Life for many is like focusing on the waves and then feeling bad about them.

And, so we find ourselves wanting to play in the surf because the other parts are boring. We get bashed by a wave and we say “ouch” and “oh, well, that’s what happens with waves” – but we don’t need to add suffering (the “ain’t it awful” of life) to it.

The latter would be pretty stupid, hey? You do see that, don’t you?

If you do see that and accept it, then you are “enlightened.” You’re just playing in the surf, getting bashed once in a while – a big “so what?!”.

Then you notice your friend standing in the waves, damning them as he gets pummeled. But, as an “enlightened” person, you simply attempt to get as many good rides on your surfboard as you can, maybe dinging up your surfboard once in a while, but, as an “enlightened” person would say, “So what? That’s just part of life? Life is good overall!”[1]

________________

Interestingly enough, if you accept the logic and truth of this, you will also see that there is no suffering to be added to bad events or physical pains and then you’ll begin to see (perhaps with some help of The Site and its resources) that there is never anything to worry about. See the piece on my site, under Psychology/Emotion Management/SufferingStruggle:

My Enlightenment Experience Being Sick In India, Gratitude, and Non-Suffering - A
profound, though simple, experience that will stay with me forever, where I didn't
add any pain or suffering because of...

________________

Best of luck in your quest to eliminate all suffering and to fully experience true happiness!

[1] This is also known as a “coping statement”, where you talk to yourself in a way that better makes you able to cope with or accept what is happening without getting upset about it. Statements like “this too shall pass” are helpful and a form of this. See http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/, Psychology, Self-Talk, My Utility "Coping" Thoughts - These are thoughts that generalize about life which are brought into mind readily and frequently when things happen. They can be disempowering (identify yours) or empowering. Examples are provided to choose from or jump off of.

HOW TO NOT BE HAPPY - OR TRY THE OPPOSITE

2009-06-29T13:42:00.000-07:00

In my recent conversation with a person who described herself as "depressed", I could certainly see the reason for that self-description, as it would have applied to anyone who was saying those same things. We as humans are very similar, so we are affected similarly by what we say, do, and think. AND we also (per the studies) are terrible predictors of what will make us happy!!!!

So, her description was that she needed social interaction and approval (and love) from other people in order to be happy. Or, the other side of this statement, 'I can't be happy without those." And she "knows" this is a "need," because so many others agree with it.

Neither statement meets the "Is it true?" test. Look at the list of what the scientific studies have proven actually make people happy. Nowhere on that list does it say that we must meet this popularly believed "need" in order to be happy!!!!!

One can be perfectly happy without having anything that depends on the "out there" and/or depends on the uncontrollable ("out there"). Indeed, controlling what you can control is one of "the secrets" of a happy, productive life - or alternatively 'not trying to control what you cannot control'. Setting yourself up to depend on getting something from an unreliable source is the set up for unhappiness!

Read the list to see that what I say above is true. Then consider reading the entire main module (only about 30 pages typewritten - such a big payoff for so little effort).

Excerpt from http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/ , Psychology, Happiness, "Main Module: How To Become Happy" (to link, click on article title, at top) :

STUDIES OF HAPPINESS

Studies clearly show happiness does not come from the outside but from the inside. But we spend all or most of our time seeking it from the outside, with little positive effect.

Have no effect (or very, very little):

Physical attractiveness, being “cool”, education, intelligence, climate, race, gender, increases in money beyond subsistence, having things, high accomplishments, childhood events[1]

Have moderate effect:

Hope (as part of a study on religion), avoiding negative events and negative emotions.
Possibly a moderate effect, but not proven to be causal: Marriage, rich social life, social intelligence.

Have a high effect:

Developing optimism style and positive viewpoint
Learning thought control and creating thoughts anew
Gratitude
Using your signature strengths – creating gratifications (instead of temporary pleasures)
Personal and social intelligence (knowledge of self and of others)
Consistently exercising kindness and generous actions
Good memories

[1] What you think and made up about these events would affect your personal happiness, but there is no proven net effect on average.

WHAT WE SUFFER ABOUT

2009-06-17T14:37:00.000-07:00

I've just posted "What We Suffer About" (to link click on this blog piece's title), under "Buddhism, The Re-Write To Achieve Easy Application", which is under Philosophy, Philosophical Disciplines.

Of course, I've restated these in a manner I think are more understandable.

I think it helps us in getting rid of fears of death, old age, bereavement, changes - all those things we waste life units on simply because we don't see or accept "reality". (See The Four Noble Truths - Rewritten - which discuss the cause of unnecessary suffering.)

Let me know what you think about (and the other recently posted related pieces).

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

STOPPING ALL SUFFERING AND FEARS

2009-06-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

OK! The title is a slight exaggeration. It's actually factually about stopping virtually all suffering and fears (80-90+%).

It seems, on the surface, not to be possible. And that is a bit of the way I felt (actually the right word is "thought"; actually "believed" is more accurate) about it when I first went to the Fearless class at the Option Institute (http://www.option.org/ ). As is the case with many in-depth (beyond dilettantism and dabbling) learning, I found it is entirely doable! It seems incredible and like a bunch of hype, but it is provable, my friend.

This blog isn't the right format for a complete discussion, so you might want to start with the piece, referred to under a different title in the last blog, "The Perspective On Beliefs And Thoughts", under the section called "Beliefs and Thoughts, How To Deal With Bullbleep".

To link into it, click on the title of this blog piece, and then read it, going back and linking into all the pieces that it ties into.

Using the principle of Completion (see the Perspective piece), you'll find you can stop the repeating and repeating and repeating of the same old useless, but upsetting, thoughts - by blowing the foundation out totally, without even having to struggle with alot of detail!

Try it, you might life it! (Or, if you're fearless, you might refer a friend who could use it...)

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

BELIEFS, FEARS, AND SUFFERING

2009-06-17T11:54:00.000-07:00

Sent to my best buddy, who knows how important this is to me:

"Yikes! Major alert! Tragedy!

I ran out of coffee creamer! How could I be so foolish?* And now I am "deprived" and in suffering and pain! Reality sucks!

...but a moment of clarity**...I used my store of Stevia...life is restored...I am now saved!..life is good again..."

Yes, a bit silly, but this parody is so true in real life.

Read the new Dialogue About Beliefs, Foolishness And What To Do About It (click on the title above to link to it.).

The Buddhakahuna
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

*And I can't bear the thought that this is the way my future life will be. It will be so desolate, barren, without pleasure. Without this necessity of life!
**Accidents do happen...

Transition - From Victim To Creator Of Life

2009-06-16T13:13:00.000-07:00

Barbara,

During this next month or so you're probably going to feel like there is "no progress" and/or "this isn't working", but keep on doing the assigned exercises as we're building something for the long term.

One of the big things we are doing is working at creating "context", like a way of viewing things or a position from which to view things. This is necessary to create "bigger learning", consistent with the piece on skill development and how people become experts (or geniuses).

You'll be moving from the (fictional) victim/child construct over to "I am the creator" viewpoint. The belief that one is a victim is a totally "made up" self statement, one that would not meet the criteria of "is it true?" The question is answered "no", as it is not a given, permanent thing that you are. However, the answer to that question for "I am the creator" would have to be answered: "yes, it is true" (scientifically verifiable).

Gradually, over the next little while, you will begin to shift more and more to realizing the truth of the one and the "not truth" of the other. In fact, although it might seem silly and like it won't be effective, it is a good idea to use this as an affirmation, one that is so memorized that it can be brought up every time you are "feeling" like a victim/child. Feeling like a "victim/child" is shown by statements like "oh, it's so difficult" or "oh, this'll never work" or, a real good one, "that's just the way I am" [equivalent to "that's the way I've been in the past and I can't change that, so that is the way I'll be in the future" - poppycock!]

You can also catch yourself when you're feeling the "victim" of working on getting someone else's approval (a piece is coming soon).

So, your affirmation (and, hopefully, eventually, your absolute commitment) will be: "I am the creator." If you want, you can reinforce it with other sayings like: "I am the captain of my ship and the master of my life".

These recognize that it is you who determine all your responses and actions and thoughts and beliefs that you'll choose to operate from (and it is NOT your past). "Creator" is the point from which you exercise power over life, where you are "at cause" and no longer "at the effect" of other people and circumstances. Where you embrace all that you have and fully utilize it!

Keith
(Click on title to link to go to Power In Life, under Life Management and at least read Responsibility Versus Victimhood.)

HAPPINESS - RECONSTRUCTING OUR VIEWPOINTS

2009-06-13T12:32:00.000-07:00

Barbara,

Although the coaching program will follow the skills development (as in the earlier posting on it) process, we will also be "eating the elephant" a bite at a time and thoroughly digesting each piece, so we won't have to, anymore, "repeat what we do not complete".*

An excerpt from Reconstructing Our Viewpoints And Mindsets To Increase Happiness**: (Click on the link below, next to **).

UNREALISTIC COMPARISON CREATES UNHAPPINESS

One very successful scientist who wrote a book about how he came out of depression, said there were two things he had to change in order to decrease his unhappiness with the “gap” between where he thought he was and where he thought he should be:

1. Change the “standard” for you to be happy with where you are so it is not unreachable, so it is more reasonable.

2. Change the underestimation and undervaluation of where you are.

The happiness gap:

^---------- Artificially high standard or ideal-------------
l Gap 1
----------- Where you actually are------------> Total gap
l Gap 2
v---------- Where you think you are ---------------------

Where focus attention for greatest payoff?

.....Core <-- Greatest payoff .

...Level 2 – Good experiences
... Level 3 - Outside experiences"

(See the written piece by linking below next to **, to see what this means.)

Barbara, we'll be using the "completion process" to gradually lower the top line, unrealistic expectations - one of the things we'll do there is use the context of Buddhism, but explained in english - soon to come.

Next, we'll raise your assessment of yourself (and your life) by removing , one at a time, the things that cause that unrealistic assessment.

We'll do this until the bottom line comes up to the top line (and then we'll keep on going above even that)! Hopefully, this gives you some more context to "see" where we are going and to give you some perspective on this incredible journey we are taking to Completion.

Keith

*Link: www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/lifemgmt/learningandthinking/skilldevelopmenteffectivesimple.doc
**Link:
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/Psychological/Happiness/Reconstructmindset.doc

THE SCIENCE OF LIFE-SKILL DEVELOPMENT

2009-06-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

The "Basic Life-Skills" that will propel you forward in life to achieving the happiness you want are the skills of:
1. Learning - effectively and quickly.
2. Thinking (the Master Skill)
3. Problem-Solving (includes great decision-making skills)
4. Power And Wisdom

The first three are necessary to attain the 4th, where you'll have the most powerful life-skill of all.

But first we must begin to develop of the skill of learning.

And, in doing so, we must ask what is the most effective and the quickest way to learn what we need to learn. How do we become "geniuses" at what is most important.

In The Talent Code, by Daniel Coyle, he provides great examples of how genius was attained and proves it just doesn't happen naturally, even with Mozart (at 6 years old playing brilliantly).

On The Site*, the piece called "Developing Life-Skills Effectively Is Simple" summarizes what it takes to "arrive" at genius in life (or at least high competence!). (See linking instructions below.)

And within those two sources, there's the good news and there's the bad news.

The good news is that incredibly great things are achievable if you use "the process."

The bad news is that the process does require a relative minimum number of hours and it must be done with some rigor in terms of following a program that is systematic and only uses real experts to learn from - you can't just go through life randomly learning from experiences and other non-expert people or you'll never get very good at life.

And you'll have to use the Principle of Completion, where you tie up all the fine points and finish learning, much like a superior athlete like Tiger Woods finishes learning things at a more complete and thus higher level.

And there is a reason that "the process" works. That reason lies in the fact that when the brain develops neural circuits to do the task desired, a myelin wrapping that is much like insulation increases in thickness each time something related to the task is done. That insulation is like the wrapping around internet broadband wiring in that it allows the signals to be stronger and faster and much more efficient.

And we can increase the speed of the development by increasing the motivation (see the article), the intensity of thinking, the adjustments that are made by making more errors and figuring things out and other non-obvious factors.

It is through this process, and only this process, that we can overcome old habits that have been repeated over and over to establish their own protective myelin - so we can't just wish the old habits away or assume that they won't dominate when we try to change a behavior, or we will run into the failures we have when old habits ruin our attempts at change.

Using this process and these more effective elements and ways of learning will dramatically improve the quality of our lives and is the only real way to assure that we can be happy, I assert.

Read the article and follow the process to the level of life skill needed to produce the level of life you want.

Click on the title of this blog piece to go to The Basic Life-Skills section, then read the full article "Developing Life-Skills Effectively Is Simple" - then follow "the process!"

*"The Site" is www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

RIGHT/WRONG AND BLAME - DANCING AS A METAPHOR

2009-06-09T17:31:00.000-07:00

I think dance lessons serve to illustrate life and how it works.

You don’t know what you’re doing until you know what you’re doing. (Duh!) And when you make mistakes it tweaks Dumb and Dumber (Monkey Mind and Lizard Brain) to trigger one’s “feeling stupid” or “looking like a fool” defense mechanism. (Who, me?) And I did feel a bit incompetent, with no ability to put on a competence mask or to “look good”, so I risked looking bad, as my only choice!

But then I needed to call forth the adult in me… I just had to say “oh, well, I’m human, humans have to learn” and “maybe I can just have fun” and “maybe I’ll be better off for having learned.”
“Nobody has to be perfect.” “You will not be rejected for being a dumb person.” “Probably nobody cares if you goof. They’re probably just be self-concerned anyway. Or maybe you’ll just contribute to their feeling better about themselves, by comparison…and that’s ok.” Etc. and Etc.[1]

And then my partner/friend leaned back too much and kept pulling me off balance. My adult in me said “well, you be responsible and take up the slack, holding her stronger”. When I suggested to her that she was leaning back too far, she said she was standing up straight, so I needed to know when to stop pushing my observation (believed perception), so that it didn’t sound like a right/wrong, blame thing. (However, I did notice D & D trying to urge me to blame someone else, so ‘they’ would be “off the hook”, but my adult said “no, it is all your responsibility and others will always do something that is not perfect, so you just adjust and take responsibility for all parts…”). Ultimately, one of the instructors told her she was leaning back too far, so she was able to accept it this time. (There was no “I’m right” spoken, out loud or in my head, as I know that would imply a “wrong” on the other side, period; a rule never to be violated!)

And then my partner/friend was off the beat, moving from 5 to 6 too quickly. So I said “let’s slow down” and attempted to get the result by counting out loud. But she started instructing me on how I was supposed to be on the beat and 5 to 6 was a quick step and that I wasn’t doing it right… (My adult observed that) We both thought we had it nailed clearly , so (my adult suggested) “be sure to make sure there is no blame or implied blame in the conversation and that your statements are self responsible ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements,[2] so I followed that. And things went smoother.

And then, after two hours, it seems that one gets tired, and probably a bit prone to crankiness, but an individual at that point best does not “get to” be cantankerous or irritated – there’s no excuse for that – one must either button it up or stop (as in the HALT[3] prescription). So, my adult says “ok, you’re feeling susceptible and a bit foolish and tired and weak, but you can still be kind to yourself and others. And if you need to, go get some rest.”

Thank God that I learned to bring my adult (my thinking brain) in because Dumb and Dumber certainly would have created something not so workable. And, from my adult, I understand that others will be defensive and prone to being victim (feel picked on), so I was careful to take care of that, as there is more than one person involved in this situation!

Relevant pieces, of which you should learn thoroughly and from which you should act accordingly:

Psychology, Managing The Mind, Beliefs/Thoughts, Victimhood (click on article title to go
there and then link into the other sections)
Life Management, Power In Life, Responsibility Vs. Victimhood
Relationship, Communication, CriticismBlameVictim
Psychology, Emotion Management, Anger/Blame/Criticism

Coming soon: Role Playing As If You Were An Adult

http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/

[1] Referred to as “coping statements”. See Psychology, Internal Talk, My Utility Coping Statements.
[2] http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/ , Relationships, Communication, Criticism/Blame/Victim, NO-BLAME COMMUNICATION AND THE NO BLAME RELATIONSHIP – Explains how to communicate cleanly.
[3] Don’t act on anything important when hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Stop until you get your balance and strength back.

GRATITUDE - AIN'T IT GREAT!

2009-06-05T12:24:00.000-07:00

From my journal, part of the daily gratitude practice:

"We, as humans, focus so intensely on obstacles or small things that mean little for life. Yes, we need to see what is "wrong" so that we can act if it needs correction, but beyond that it is no big deal. Life is a package deal, with so much good stuff that is so incredibly greater than the imperfections, shortcomings, or whatever we want to call it. I want to write more about this, and I want more people to "get it" and to be happier. That is my mission and my "game" that I choose to create in this life.

[The following phrase is my "mantra", in a sense, though it is also an affirmation of what is true.]

I appreciate and am so grateful for the incredible number of great things about life and the world.

Last night's incredible light show in the sky - Went outside to see it better, loved the "night sounds", marveled at how the mechanics of the world work so well, it went on forever, like an invasion from outer space, different parts of the sky lighting up, almost simultaneously, differently, some flashes lit up the whole sky as if it were day, some great formation of spidery lightning, from cloud to cloud, more than 1500 flashes in one hour (per the news), so something was going on all the time.

Windows - I marvel at how I can do almost anything with a click of the mouse, things that used to take hours and hours in the old days, all instantly available. Amazing!

Chilean grapes - so good, I get to enjoy them so much right now, a miracle that mankind figured out how to get them here and so cheaply. Amazing how great we are as humans!"

Gratitude and perspective add so much to life! (Click on title to go to that section of the site.)

The Buddhakahuna
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/

COPING STATEMENTS - NECESSARY AND EFFECTIVE

2009-06-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

Barbara,

One of the "coping" statements, which also is an affirmation, that you best memorize and have immediately available is "I am just doing the best I can now given the current limits of my awareness, so I treat myself gently." And "I need not succeed in this particular endeavor, and that's ok - just a part of life."

Of course, the first one is a variation on the straight thinking in the Barksdale materials that I think should be required learning for anyone who wants to be happy and effective in life. It is my wish for you and my intention that you study and learn those at a very high level.

We have also discussed you developing a list of 10 coping thoughts to use in the moment, see
My Utility "Coping" Thoughts, under Self Internal Talk under Managing Your Mind under Psychology (click article title to link).

There is so much to be happy about in life, but we need to drop our primitive thinking that continues to set off the false alarms that make life not so good at the time. Soon, we will have you at "optimal" thinking, without (hardly any) criticism or perfectionism...and then we'll see how powerful you can truly be!!!

Buddhakahuna
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/

INSPIRATION - POSITIVE MUSIC

2009-06-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

This morning I thought of what I need to get myself started, as I was feeling a bit logy and a bit like I didn't really want to do the stuff I need to do today (though in my right mind I see that is something necessary to get to where I want, so I gladly do it!).

So I remembered, and then played, the soundly sensible and uplifting songs from Jana Stanfield
(Click on the title of this article and you'll link into the Inspiration - Music section to my site.). They are not the "spiritual" songs, but they are ones that allow for human nature and for how we can all look at things in a positive way, sometimes with a great sense of humor about our humanness - AND with a profound gratitude for all we have.

You'll enjoy having a collection of her songs, as part of your collection to access as part of your life and keeping it on a higher plain.

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

EXTREME SELF-CARE - HONORING YOURSELF AND FEELING GOOD ABOUT LIFE

2009-06-02T12:51:00.000-07:00

Barbara,

We slip, ever so gradually, into behaviors that hurt us by stressing ourselves out and setting ourselves up for breakdown in some way. We are like the proverbial gradually boiling frog, who doesn't jump out of the water that is heating from tepid to boiling because it is so gradual.

It is time to treat oneself with honor and careful nurturing, as suggested in this article and in Cheryl Richardson's book, "The Art Of Extreme Care". The article "Extreme Self-Care" suggests several practices and a couple of books that will lead you to that greater place of being.(Click on the article title above to link to the Peace of Mind section, then to the article. It's also in the Life Management, Practices section.)

I would suggest that this is not "optional" but that it is absolutely essential.

Take "care",

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com

MEN FROM MARS...GOOD?

2009-06-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

From a good friend:

Do you recommend Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?

Answer: It is ok for an overview. On www.thelifemanagementalliance.com, you can look under the Relationships section for Relationship Resources overall (click on article title to link to it), but note in particular the link under books to Gender Differences (or just enter that in the search engine to go directly to it).

Yes, we do communicate differently. And, yes, we need to respect that difference and not expect an apple to be other than an apple, as the key problem in relationships is the "make-wrong" about the other because of the disappointment about the other not meeting our (unrealistic) expectations - a set up for failure.

And, I do applaud anyone who looks at the "dilemma" and seeks to become a master (at required Level I) in "significant other" relationships. If a person has spent at least 120 hours studying this in depth, one is operating out of ignorance, I think.

Go to the Relationships page and click on "Essential Quick Grounding In Relationships" and do at least that!!!!

One fellow spent 18 hours popping around the website on this. The result: he could see that he shouldn't be in the dysfunctional relationship he was in. [He was right.] In most cases, however, with a willing partner at least at the minimum level, things can be worked out in relationships.

So, my friend, I wish you much wisdom in, and completion in the knowledge about, relating to that one person who can add the most to your life. (But also remember the idea behind the book 'Men Are Just Dessert'...)

Keith
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/

Spirituality, "Magic", Intuition, Truth - Integrating Them Into Life

2009-05-30T13:41:00.000-07:00

JA,

As a follow up to our discussion, I hope I wasn't too strong sounding in questioning the "magic" explanations that people make up for what is not seen and/or understood.

Here are a couple of postings on the site that are relevant to what we talked about: (Click on the title of the article to link directly to the Spirituality section, under Philosophy, then just go to the subsections.)

SPIRITUALITY Section (click on article title above) - About spirituality and what it is in its pure form, what we have "added" as human beings, how accurate it is, etc. Also, some comments on "The Secret".

Particular pieces in that section that are of possible interest:

The bit on religion might prove interesting: "RELIGIONS - POSITIVE, BUT CHANGED BY MAN AND OFTEN NOT CORRECT" - A perspective on religion.

"INTUITION" - Originally posted under Relationships, but now under Spirituality (and also Life Management/Problem Solving). Don't rely on it without proper processing!

"ARE THERE POWERS OUTSIDE YOU THAT YOU CAN RELY ON?" -
We "make up" a lot of stuff, but what workds is actually in the very accessible reality realm!

Helpful for this and in life in general, under another section:

"DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN TRUTH AND 'MADE-UPS' " -
Don't believe your stories or your perceptions or you will believe untruths are the truth! Or that right/wrong is valid. Vital to knowing how to run your life. (On site, under Philosophy, Overall Philosophy Of Life.)

If you have anything or create anything that might be useful to put on the site or to link to, that is practical and illuminating, please attach it to an email. Thanks.

Keith
Leader Of The Great Church Of The Ultimate Truth*
http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/

*Just kidding. I am open to learning and input...

Another Happiness Practice For You

2009-05-30T11:28:00.000-07:00

As I was sitting in the sun this morning, sipping my healthy smoothie, I was enjoying a book that I think you should read. And it reminds me of an excellent practice that all humans should do.

You should read an uplifing book every morning and every night before going to sleep.

I think you'll enjoy, be entertained by, and get much out of the book Happiness From The Inside Out, by Robert Mack. It is a great read and it'll remind you of all the great positive things you can do, based on your commitment to be happy (and ultimately your commitment that you will make to have happiness be your top priority). [The book will also help as additional encouragement and greater understanding to do "what works."]

Keith

Also, here's a dose from my journal this morning:

Isn't it amazing how I can zip around on the computer and just point my mouse and click - and then stuff just happens. We have advanced so far! I'm thrilled!

It seems so incredible. I just push a button and, voila!, something is published worldwide to the internet.

I loved sitting out in the sun today, listening to the birds, and reading a good, and fun, book about happiness (Happiness From The Inside Out, Robert Mack - I should recommend it to "Barbara"..

I am so grateful for the stimulating conversation with JA yesterday. C was right that we should know each other. It is so good to have a friendship that is only about being friends, with the opposite sex.

I am grateful also for Cherry Garcia. Yes, I know it isn't good for my body, but my limit of one per week is good, so all is well and all is swell....

I am grateful for and do so enjoy and relish my smoothies in the morning...and then my flavored coffee is heaven on earth. Life is so good!

YOU'RE NOT SO SPECIAL,, BUT...

2009-05-29T23:36:00.000-07:00

Barbara,

Have you read under the Philosophy section (click title above to link), then go to 'OVERALL' section:

"A VIEW OF LIFE, AND GETTING THAT VIEW INTO EFFECT" - Is the
world supportive and is there really anything to be upset about? How can I be happy?

and the piece called:

"A VIEW OF ONESELF IN LIFE, A VIEW NEEDING 'SUBSTANTIAL' REWORK" - Would it benefit us to "re-work" some of our assumptions,
viewpoints, and beliefs about life, formed without knowledge or reasoning from a powerless and dependent viewpoint?

In the first are the viewpoints that:

1. We are awesomely fortunate to have been born, period.

2. The world is remarkably supporting.

And it is important to install those into our life philosophy in order to be feel good and be more powerful in life.

In the second is the startling following comments about what you made up as a small child:

"One you made up is that you need to be special in order to be loved and fed – and you still make up that you need to be special, although you’re now an adult! But as an adult, it is grandiose of you to think you are special in this world. You just aren’t. You’re just another human being and when you finally accept that, then you can begin the task of filling up life with good experiences and just becoming more and more yourself – and not wasting time on getting special privileges or trying to prove to others or yourself that you’re special. (Of course, you’re special in your world, your “universe” – so that is why you will put yourself first.[1]) No one person is worth one iota more or less than another!

You’ll realize you do not need to be better than someone else to survive. You’ll stop the childish practice of comparison and the outdated assessment of survivability in “the tribe”. (footnote). You’ll simply say: Let me look at what is available and then choose, while in a rational state, what I want to do. You’ll realize that there are rarely any really threatening outside circumstances or people. You’ll accept reality and not operate in the illusion that you can’t respond to any situation and come out ok (because you’ll not be stuck in wasting energy and/or creating fear around the possibility that you are not better than someone else).
[1] Your lower minds are programmed (evolved) to assure your survival, with no one else having any comparative importance. You will put yourself first, logically, to “survive”. Now it is true that once survival is not seen as being threatened we will begin doing things that are beyond survival and we’ll be more socially conscious – but even then we will do it because it feels good and/or gets us something else. This is without exception, though we seem selfless when we do things for others seemingly without any personal gain – but that’s impossible, for we won’t do those things if there is not a positive result for ourselves! We’ll do it to think well of ourselves or to have others think well of us, which gives us “credit” in relationships and in our mind’s tally of our worthiness."

Please make sure you consider the reasoning in these fully, as it will serve you in achieving the life you want, at last.

Keith

(If the link, clicking the article title, doesn't work, go to http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/ , Philosophy.)

FEARLESSNESS and THE DECISION TO BE HAPPY

2009-05-28T15:27:00.000-07:00

Barbara,

We have discussed how your advisor psychologist friend has said you are behaving as a victim, so I thought I would write some additional pieces and sections around that idea.

The funny thing is that when we see that we are automatically doing some victim behaviors and then when we choose to stop that and adopt a total non-victim stance, we become virtually fearless and we choose to be happy no matter what. (See Psychology, Fear, Fearlessness or, to link directly, click title of this article above.)

Being a victim is indeed the source for "no power", as discussed in the Life Management, Power In Life section, AND it is the source for much fear (go to Psychology, Beliefs/Thoughts, VICTIMHOOD).

When we stop exaggerating the threats, which we do as if we were still a small child, and when we choose to be a total non-victim, we become virtually fearless and produce happiness NO MATTER WHAT.

It is possible, though you do not yet see it. But that is the purpose of this whole exercise to have you read this, practice the tools, and then to create that happiness you so greatly deserve.

Yours toward happiness,

Keith

Site for above is http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/ .

Not tensing the body when busy

2009-05-16T14:19:00.000-07:00

Barbara,

As I was "rushing" off to meet to help a person in a terrifying financial jam, I noticed my body tensing and my breathing pace increasing. (I also noticed the next day that I was rushing and sitting forward when writing the all important plan for this person - so I repositioned myself and relaxed, appreciating what I was doing and that it was my choice and I didn't need to do it perfectly.)

It occurred to me then that this was "bad training" for my mind and body. Indeed, it occurred to me, and I made the promise to myself, that I would not allow my body to do any "emergency" preparation unless it was an actual danger* to my physical body. I remembered that the emergency system evolved as those who had it survived, but that it is only for real emergencies. I was letting myself do such a broad interpretation of danger when it was clearly not a threatening situation.

The discipline is simple:

1. Talk to myself: Tell myself this is no emergency at all. Add nurturing words.
2. Do physical adjustments: Breathe deeply and slowly and check all muscles for tension and
let them go.

I resolved to check early for such tension and to have it be absolutely unacceptable to let myself damage myself by activating this system needlessly!

It is my hope that you do the same, as we need to absolutely train ourselves to dissolve those things which create artificial anxiety, either in our thoughts and/or in our body [of course, they're related!].

This is another very simple but incredibly beneficial practice to do now and for the rest of your life.

Happy practicing!

*See www.thelifemanagementalliance.com, THREATS AND FEAR (Use search engine or press CTRL and click mouse.)

YOUR JOB: NURTURING, CREATING PEACE AND RESERVES FOR YOURSELF

2009-04-14T15:52:00.000-07:00

You have moved and now have a mess - and a feeling of urgency to get everything organized and found. But the "feeling or urgency" is only a concept not a reality - as most things could be put off for an extra day and make no difference in one's life. In fact, they can be spread on purpose over a longer period, in a sort of "pacing" for the long term, just as a long distance runner would do when running a race (except that we'll also rest between races! Plus, we'll develop a smoother stride.).

Your job right now, "should you decide to accept it",* is to create nurturing for yourself and to increase what produces peace and physical reserves for yourself. That's it, for the next 30 days (with an option to extend for a lifetime). Yes, other things can be added, but not to the exclusion of those.

Nurturing includes getting rest, taking respites such as a hot bath, taking 1 minute (or up to 5) to deeply relax (and breathe), getting a massage (especially of shoulders and neck), etc....And the appropriate practice would be to start off each day with the question: "What one thing can I do for nyself today that will produce joy and/or nurturing for myself? "

One thing that fits into all the categories is taking a rejuvenation day. That can simply be a day where one does no "work" of any kind. It can be exploring the city, going to a movie, sitting in the sun for a bit, just doing what comes to mind, or whatever - it could be an intentional "be flaky" day. Once every month or two, it is an excellent idea to do some variation of the total relaxation day, where one doesn't even leave the bedroom, having set it up so that snacks and meals are instantly available, dozing off while reading (no tv however), writing in your journal if you like (having gone to bed early the night before, taking a leisurely evening walk if desired, going to sleep early again that evening). The world will not crumble if we step off for a day.

Whereas you may be used to running on the edge, attempting to maximize your day, you will now choose to build reserves and to not use them up totally, for those reserves will serve you for the long term. We are built to "surge" and then to "rest", not to surge, then surge, then surge...for our ability to handle things well will disappear with no reserve left.
Stephen Covey, in his all time best selling book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, presents the idea that people need to both produce (P) and to develop their production capability (PC) or they will not be able to produce. Much like the old tale of the older lumberjack chopping down more trees by far than the younger, newer one; when the younger asked how the old guy was able to do more when the younger guy's strength was so much more and when he spent more of his time actually chopping, the older one said it was very simple: he just took the time to sharpen his saw (or axe) so that it cut more effectively. The obvious analogy is to life: increase one's ability to be effective, as the time spent in not being productive actually produces more good results in life as opposed to "running" all the time.

One of the effects, and the key missing one, is that the brain's actual physical circuitry will change. The prefrontal cortex on the right side will develop a larger capacity to actually physically screen out "nonsense" messages and also to take time to consider how to act on the nonsense messages - those are both actual, proven physical effects, where the rewiring is achieved to make things work better automatically!!!!!

Increasing your deep relaxation and/or meditation (actual or CD listening) to at least 2 times a day is imperative (except on unusual days, of course). Doing a "one minute" relaxation each hour when the automatic hourly device beeps or vibrates is an essential practice also.

We'll be dealing over time with installing a greater understanding of the "nonsense" produced by the monkey mind and developing solid philosophical changes that will replace much of that. For now, your practice of simply not allowing those thoughts and inserting anything (singing or diversion or substituted phrases like "it'll be all right for now" , "I'm ok for now", etc.) in their place will be useful.

All of this is with the long term goal in mind (which you'll probably rework and rework as this progresses) is something like: "to become (choose to be) a laid back, accepting but proactive person only doing things that pay off very well."

This will be a very fulfilling growth period for you. I am excited about it.

Keith
____

*In the old version of Mission Impossible, the assignments were made via tape. The mission would be designated and then the person could choose to or not to do it and then it would add "this tape will self destruct in six seconds....". While this task is very doable, it is a task that will take due discipline and effort, but with huge payoffs. Your higher brain would definitely select the choice of having those higher payoff - but it is a choice that must be made - and a commitment must be made to do it (not perfectly, but substantially).

KEEPING COOL DURING BUSY TIMES

2009-03-31T18:00:00.000-07:00

B -

You are going through a very stressful potentially exhausting time. And when one goes on and on with no rest, both the mental and the physical resourcefulness drop dramatically. As Jim Loehr says in his books on managing stress and creating better performance, mankind evolved to surge and then to rest and then to surge and then to rest. But we in this Western world often get caught up in surge, surge, surge, but with no rest until we fall exhausted into bed.

The result is often adrenal blowout, hypoglycemia, high anxiety, low impulse control, diabetes, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc. and etc.

I remember feeling I was under constant pressure, and being fatigued but still pushing through. But somehow I discovered that I did not need to constantly be dealing with what I was anxious about and that I could take 10 minute naps, as many as I needed. I could put aside my anxiety driven activity for that small period and not fold.

I started out with 3-6 of those a day, and then the need lightened up as I became healthier and less stressed. And I could not believe the difference in how I felt. My confidence in myself returned and my anxiety dropped dramatically. So, I'd recommend that you try that (or some variation of it) during this stressful period, as many times a day as possible! (It is best to use a timer, so that you'll be confident that the nap time will be appropriate. And the other thing I did was have a pen and a pad of paper to write down anything urgent on my mind, as I relaxed into oblivion.)

Let me know how this is working after two days of trying it.

I appreciate seeing you put out new positiveness and that you are expressing gratitude, as those make a difference, too.

Take extra care of yourself,

The Kahuna

FROM DEPRESSION TO HAPPINESS - IT'S BEEN DONE!

2009-03-28T17:52:00.000-07:00

B -

You seemed to be a bit "non-believing" when I said I was totally confident that you could turn around your thinking that has created your downward spirals for years and years. Yes, you have practiced and become an expert at it, but the same mechanism can be used to reverse it.

The solution is definite and proven.

Daniel Amen, M.D. spoke on PBS, reviewing many of the observations from his book "Magnifient Mind At Any Age," where he utilizes his brain scanning expertise (a friend of mine had this done and benefitted greatly) and counseling experience over many years. He lays out many useful strategies and has found that if you apply them you will achieve life-enhancing results.
He also mentioned the case of Byron Katie, successful author and wise sage, where she had suffered from severe depression for many years. She turned it around when she "suddenly discovered" that she no longer felt depressed when she began to question (and no longer passively believe) what her mind said to her. She asked 4 questions roughly paraphrased here, whenever a "negative" or stressful thought popped into her consciousness. All the thoughts that make you feel bad are actually beliefs, which you can question and redo, but this time with your higher brain, as an adult:

1. Is it true? (Even if you answer yes, do the next test question.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be, how would you feel, without that thought.

Then you take the thought and turn it around to the opposite and see if that would work better for you. And the next step is simply to practice by saying and using that new belief.

When she addressed each of the thoughts and stopped being "victim" to the prattlings of the primitive mind, she found that she was not at all depressed. Her transformation is reflected now in the mission she has in her life - and she is a true inspiration to the many who follow her work.

It is worthwhile becoming an expert in this fairly simple process - after all, we want to waste as little time as possible dwelling in the falsehoods of damaging beliefs.

Will you accept that challenge?

I look forward with great excitement at seeing the great progress you will make in the next six months through the consistent practice of what we are working on together.

Keith

Use the search engine on the website (TheLifeManagementAlliance) to find an approach based on similar thinking. Enter "rational analysis".

I would definitely read and practice what Dr. Amen recommends in his book!!!!

Her original book is "Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life."

THANKS TO LIFE - A BEAUTIFUL PIECE!

2009-03-22T18:07:00.000-07:00

I loved this song and slide show: Gracias A La Vida. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zxwgyHyl_c . (The words are on the site, under Gratitude. This is a good one to put in your Reminders Notebook.)

It is vitally important to review what we are grateful for, especially since we Americans spend so much time looking at what is missing or wrong about things or people. The latter is pretty much what I think should be the purpose of cranialrectal surgery (which the site attempts to do).

As in Managing The Mind, on the site, we can actually rewire (not just install a new program) our "neuronal pathways" in our brain by simply repeating something enough over the long term - actually creating new cells even.

Indeed, we have so incredibly much...and we only need to "see" it.
________________

The site refrains from asking people to make huge "spiritual" leaps, as it is set up to have people do "doable" things, such as actions that are easy and understandable, though we do discuss the rational, reasoning, and the basis for understanding some things that help in cranialrectal surgery.

IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE POSSIBLE?

2009-03-22T16:22:00.000-07:00

Q. This (referring to someone tending orchids as a huge hobby) takes a tremendous amount of time, and I'd much prefer to spend my time experiencing unconditional love!!! I know that some people don't believe that unconditional love is possible. What do you think?

A. I know it is possible, though the irony of it is that it must, in my opinion, start through a process of "conditionality". I don't think we can unconditionally love everybody in the deeper, non-trivial, sense. I can look at someone and be non-judgmental (which is often what people seem to think is "unconditional", but there is a nuance of difference), for I know they are doing the best they can given the current limits of their awareness - but I won't necessarily want to be around that person alot.

Once we get "the right basic conditions" (such as basic compatibility, including lifestyles merging ok with freedom to do as one wishes but also coming [so to speak] together at times to express fondness and closeness and to connect with the other's emotions and feelings about the day and life), then I think (and what I want) is that we can totally be unconditional, knowing that our basic conditions are met (for instance, one "condition" would be to not treat each other with anger, not criticize, not blame, be responsible for one's emotions and actions from those emotions - I believe that is who you are: nonjudgmental and unconditionally loving and totally self responsible [of course, there will be moments of slipping on banana peels or trying to park backwards, but those are all "so whats", as the only important thing is how we treat each other, not whether we are goofy, silly, or just plain stupid some of the time).

I, myself, do not ever want to experience a relationship where the “cultural expectations” are such that the person “requires me” [or “they’ll be repercussions”] to do a lot of “posturing” or symbolism that is not the same as the “real thing”. In the 5 Languages of Love, they refer to how people know they are loved by either service, touch, gifts, deep emotional sharing and languaging (e.g. , say “I love you” lots), etc. I do not want a relationship where I must buy expensive jewelry or even be the “romantic” dude around town who is sure to plan exciting surprise vacations. This is what is referred to in some growth workshops as “eating the menu”, where the pretty pictures are so enticing but not real. Simple loving, basic gestures are what count, in my opinion, though everyone is entitled to what “conditions” work for them – I just don’t want to be in a relationship with that person. Artificial expectations and then the resentments related to not having them met are the killers of relationships - that’s why I hope people get a feel for what expectations are unrealistic – so that is deal with on the site (put “expectations” into the search engine).

I believe that everyone should become an expert in intimate relationships, as that is, outside of oneself, the most important element of life. Read the site! Especially learn the rational for non-blaming, so one can rid oneself of all resentments, frustration, anger, manipulation, self-criticism, etc. When one stops criticizing, out loud or in one’s mind, the other, then unconditional love does exist. (Search engine on the site, enter “blaming”.)

The Loving/BeingLoved section, under Relationships on the site, points the way...especially see The Loving Woman - By Her.

The Purpose Of Life

2009-03-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

You ask, Alex, what is the purpose of life, as you've heard so many.

This is the purpose of life:

THE PURPOSE OF LIFE ITSELF

Is This The Purpose Of Life?

"The purpose of our lives is to give birth to the best which is within us."
-- Marianne Williamson, Author and Spiritual Activist

Is the purpose actually “growth”, “to become our best given our talents”?

Or is that a “means to the ends”?

To find out if something is “the end”, one simply might ask after “growth” is specified as the purpose, the simple question “well, why have that? Or “In order to have what?” When one can no longer come up with an answer to that question, one has reached the “end”?

So, why grow?

So that we can be wise and knowledgeable enough to get the good things from life more.

So, what are those good things?

Appreciating life, seeing how great it is, a greater ability to love and express oneself, and such.

So, why do you want those?

So I can be happier.

(If one asked at this point, why do you want to happier, one would begin to get circular answers, such as “so I can feel better”, which is actually part of being happier.”)

From all I’ve read and after thinking about it quite a bit, I throw my vote in with The Dalai Lama:

“The purpose of life is happiness.”

_________

This website is therefore dedicated to contribute to what ultimately enhances happiness and/or to reduce what detracts from happiness. It is my belief that we can achieve an underlying happiness that is unconditional and stays with us even when there is actual pain – and that we can actually be happy 95++% of the time.

http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/

Affirmations - Declarations, Commitments To Ways Of Being.

2009-03-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

I didn't provide any affirmations to meet your request, as they are so imbedded already that I couldn't think of any. But here are a few, some a bit like rules or ways to have things work, but all ones I believe in. They are placed in my Reminder Notebook that I often use in the morning after my deep relaxation time. (Notebook concept is on the Site.)

I am a good, caring, loving, capable man.

I am always well off and grateful for life. I smile. I enjoy people. I enjoy anything I do that serves a useful purpose. I'm just grateful to be alive.

I am powerful beyond measure.

I am a rational, capable, nurturing adult.

I take care of myself.
I control what I can and that is plenty!

I make myself happy no matter what!

There is so much in life to be grateful for. I am blessed.

All people are blameless, for they do the best they know how given the current limits of their awareness. The problem is never the person. It is the lack of awareness. So the solution lies in increasing that awareness. And one must decide if that is something worth one's while.

(Derived from Barksdale training.)

I love and cherish my wonderful self, for I realize that I am not my actions, that I am a unique and precious being, responsible for my own life, ever doing the best my current awareness permits, ever growing in wisdom and love, totally free of value judging, shame, guilt and remorse.
(Borrowed from Barksdale)

I realize that my source and enabler of power is putting myself into a position of perspective and looking to see what is needed to create what I truly desire. I therefore commit myself to that process as a part of the rest of my life.

Oh, I forgot one:

I shall meet and be with an incredible Goddess Of Love.

Keith
www.thelifemanagementalliance.com