HOW TO NOT BE HAPPY - OR TRY THE OPPOSITE

In my recent conversation with a person who described herself as "depressed", I could certainly see the reason for that self-description, as it would have applied to anyone who was saying those same things. We as humans are very similar, so we are affected similarly by what we say, do, and think. AND we also (per the studies) are terrible predictors of what will make us happy!!!!

So, her description was that she needed social interaction and approval (and love) from other people in order to be happy. Or, the other side of this statement, 'I can't be happy without those." And she "knows" this is a "need," because so many others agree with it.

Neither statement meets the "Is it true?" test. Look at the list of what the scientific studies have proven actually make people happy. Nowhere on that list does it say that we must meet this popularly believed "need" in order to be happy!!!!!

One can be perfectly happy without having anything that depends on the "out there" and/or depends on the uncontrollable ("out there"). Indeed, controlling what you can control is one of "the secrets" of a happy, productive life - or alternatively 'not trying to control what you cannot control'. Setting yourself up to depend on getting something from an unreliable source is the set up for unhappiness!

Read the list to see that what I say above is true. Then consider reading the entire main module (only about 30 pages typewritten - such a big payoff for so little effort).


Excerpt from http://www.thelifemanagementalliance.com/ , Psychology, Happiness, "Main Module: How To Become Happy" (to link, click on article title, at top) :

STUDIES OF HAPPINESS

Studies clearly show happiness does not come from the outside but from the inside. But we spend all or most of our time seeking it from the outside, with little positive effect.

Have no effect (or very, very little):

Physical attractiveness, being “cool”, education, intelligence, climate, race, gender, increases in money beyond subsistence, having things, high accomplishments, childhood events[1]

Have moderate effect:

Hope (as part of a study on religion), avoiding negative events and negative emotions.
Possibly a moderate effect, but not proven to be causal: Marriage, rich social life, social intelligence.

Have a high effect:

Developing optimism style and positive viewpoint
Learning thought control and creating thoughts anew
Gratitude
Using your signature strengths – creating gratifications (instead of temporary pleasures)
Personal and social intelligence (knowledge of self and of others)
Consistently exercising kindness and generous actions
Good memories

[1] What you think and made up about these events would affect your personal happiness, but there is no proven net effect on average.