As I write my book (tentatively titled Smart (and easy) Self Control), I reviewed the book and my notes on The Power Of Full Engagement, Loehr and Schwartz. It has great examples of people living at the highest level of life and those living not at full power in life.
This one is more common that we might think.
The case of "Jeremy G. Indecisive, Conflict-Avoidant":
"It never occurred to Jeremy that the obstacle he faces was primarily spiritual and that what he lacked was access to the focused energy that comes from connecting to one's deepest value. His challenge, we suggested, was to shift his orientation from placating his bosses and worrying so much about what they thought about him to trusting his own voice and taking clear stands based on their merits"
People who are stuck in the viewpoint of external reference (run by others) versus internal reference (run by our internal values and decisions) spend so much of their energy in worrying about gaining approval and such that they have little left for actually living life.
Even a very religious person I know spends so much energy in the concern for what others think of him that he is caught up in not living true to his spiritual values, since there is little space for them in his brain, as he is living the agendas that others have for him....
REACTIVE OR PROACTIVE?
He might get some clarity from taking this test, paraphrased from Loehr's book"
Allocate
10 total points between these two:
___ Reactive or Inactive
Other people determine what I do.
Deadline, last-minute driven
Anxious
Approval driven
Fear driven
Perfectionistic
___ Proactive, In Control
I am self determinant
High perspective and plan from that point of view
He loses so much power by seldom being able to, or just not, take the time to look at things from a higher perspective, to be able to make higher and broader decisions about life. He cannot see that he is living in false beliefs and fear/anxiety, needlessly and easily corrective.
THE FRENZIED LIFE
He would answer the following, taken from the book, as being True of him:
My life
is always hurried, frenzied, I feel like family, friends and my relationship
impinge on my productivity time. I am
mostly elsewhere when I am with them.
WHAT TO DO WITH THIS
Read the Full Engagement book. Take the tests, evaluations.
Decide which life to lead, then implement, from the book, all the relevant strategies, including correcting and modifying one's big beliefs that get in the way of fully living life. (Any person who is effective in life takes the time to do what is important, though not urgent in terms of pressure to do it now - by doing so, his/her life runs very well.
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