I notice in new relationships a great chance to be a dope for hope...

(In an email, click on the title of the post to read the entire post.)

When we first enter relationships (especially potential romantic ones), we find that our "Small Self" [lower brains] will get very excited because it will tend to project how this new relationship will solve certain problems or fill certain holes (with wonderfulness and sweet new perfect love).

And, of course, our "Higher Self" (located in the prefrontal cortex) gets to experience the hits of dopamine that feel so good.  So it ("I") will be influenced toward it.

And we all seem to want to perpetuate the "prince and princess syndrome", where the mask of perfection and wonderfulness is held firmly in place...


HOWEVER...

The "wise person" will always step back and become, as they say in spiritual disciplines, "the witness" or "the objective observer".  At that point, the objective, rational, fact-based thinking can begin, with as many good questions as possible, such as.

"Am I being unrealistic here?" (A real romance party spoiler!)

"What are the facts and what is and is not true here?"

"Are there red flags?"  "Or just plain "this is not likely to work" realities?"

Or even "What do I (or you) want and/or require in a relationship?"


USE THE CARPENTER'S RULE FOR ALL BIG LIFE DECISIONS

The Carpenter's Rule is one we should use before all potential life decisions:

"Measure twice, cut once."

To get some material for applying it, you might wish to access these:

One might wish to visit the site page:  Shopping - Finding And Selecting A Partner - The Most Vital Step!.  And, for those wishing to get up to speed fairly quickly on intimate relationships, you might scan for pieces of interest in the Detailed Contents And Links - Relationship Section.

For more about the dope for hope psychology, see this post:  Don't be a dope for a dose of hope! Always use a path instead, so you can use your head!  (The "path" to use always begins with the super-principle of using The Power Pause at some level - and hopefully using it every day!)


AND A SPECIAL NOTE

I did get some feedback from a progressive, proactive woman who is on a true path of growth, where she gave some feedback (sandwiched well between praising the usefulness of the site) that suggests a "slight quibble" on a relationship criteria piece.  She hesitated to send it to her daughter to use because the criteria for determining if a relationship would be good or not good to proceed into might be too restrictive.  She pointed out that she and her husband would not have met the criteria, but that they have created a very good relationship.

So, please, use your judgment on whether I have overstated the case in my zest for having individual's not make big mistakes in their lives.  The core to her relationship, if I were to guess, was that she and her husband were committed to the relationship working and willing to make things work and to learn what was missing.  Her point, indeed, was well made (and well appreciated by me!).

[She was a Landmark Forum graduate and appreciated the further clarification that my site made about some of the concepts.  Landmark graduates are elevated in their lives, as a result of the wisdom and training provided by that organization.  It is a recommended step in developing one's life wisdom.]
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Given the caveat above, you might wish to share this post and/or the relationship section of the site with others who find that it is essential to be a master at relationships (or at least avoiding the wrong ones!).   Use social media (with a link to this piece) and/or use the little white envelope right below this post.

It is my heartfelt intention to help to dramatically improve the lives of all of those whose lives I can touch.  Your help in causing that is much appreciated.

Keith D. Garrick
(My Mission, My Why)