(In email, click on the post title in order to read the entire post.)
If you understand those, then you will be on the way to effectively “managing your emotions” and not “feel bad about them” (feeling bad is an emotion, in a sense).
WHY DO WE "FEEL BAD"?
Why do we “feel bad” about something?
So we can fix whatever seems to be the problem.
Simple motivation (based on our evolved survival instincts).
The mind very simplistically coughs up anything that might be associated in some way to a particular situation, and then it “sorts” through them on a mechanical basis (usually the “emotional charge” on something) to select what is to be done and then it emotes the signal to the body/mind to do an action (a "motion", out there, where "e" means out) that will help resolve or make the situation better (for higher survival, including safety all the way to feeling better).
That’s it.
It's all mechanical.
No little gremlins or “saboteurs” inside us. No “inner child” or other metaphorical “entities.” Just mechanics. (Most of the mechanics involve false beliefs or outdated instincts that no longer work, in today's world.)
And, once you understand how the mechanics work you can then learn “how to work them” to your advantage. You simply identify a step that didn’t work (i.e., it caused an undesired result: “negative” feeling that we don’t wish to keep repeating) and learn/identify a “step” that works and replace the step .
THERE IS A MECHANICAL PROCESS
The process of getting from “something happened” to the end result is always a “sequence of steps that works to cause and/or leads to the next step.
It looks like the following diagram, though there are several steps within each of these bigger categories.
Something happens —> Interpret —> Evaluate —> Decide —> Emotion --> Act
Note that it always works this way! (Even if we are not conscious of each step.)
Notice that we can change a number of things about how we interpret something - and correct our false beliefs that support the interpretation that leads to a less good next step. The beliefs underlying how we evaluate something (as a big threat, little one, not a threat at all) can also be corrected. Each correction of a step in the process improves the results we get from the process - that is our purpose for doing "the work" necessary to better our lives!
The Buddha advised us to examine life’s experiences and our reaction to them. The process of being aware of and thinking about such is called "Mindfulness", wherein one first pays attention in order to notice and see what is going on AND then examines what is going on in order to create better results in life. Mindfulness is simply thinking about what is going on, what happened, what are the sensations being felt...and, then, most likely, looking at what the beliefs were that created them (though that part is often done later, which is why a mindful person might write at the time about what was going on, especially the beliefs and thoughts that caused the emotions, as best he/she could). Simple.
When we “manage” the thinking (belief) process, we then are able to better get what we want out of life.
Simple truth...
WHAT TO DO
If you are willing to do the work to create great happiness, then what might you do next?
Obviously, at least understand overall "emotions" and the beliefs that cause them.
You would, of course, start with reading the Emotions main page.
You might then start on changing the key beliefs that underlie most of your negative reactions. See Core Beliefs Underlying Negative Harmful Thinking.
And then you'd expand out from there to other beliefs that support such thinking and you'd learn the super-principle of Zero Fault - a MUST if one is to be highly happy!
Ultimately you would get to the point of doing Effective Thinking, applied to your beliefs and ways of doing things in the world. (Note that critical thinking sounds like it takes the joy out of things, but it is actually the path to being able to create more joy in life, removing the obstacles to such!) The process you would use is called, amazingly, The Beliefs Changing Process.
At some point, it would be advisable to find the key beliefs that bug you by linking to the specific belief (many specific ones are already addressed, with solutions, in the right column in the Beliefs And Thoughts Contents, Links page) and correcting them to what will work to get our desired results and emotions! And/or you can approach it through the list of specific emotions and issues in the right column of Emotions, Contents, Links page.)
The end result of this process is that you will end up Fearless and "Life Powerful", resulting in your being able to create whatever you desire in life without all those false barriers AND resulting in your creating high happiness in life. As we go toward the end purpose of life (highest happiness), we must arrive at the point of actually being a Self Actualized Person (getting to it by starting from the point of correcting beliefs!).
So, now, the "work" begins, the path is embarked upon, and "soon" we will find ourselves operating and feeling much better, as we progress up the path more and more and more and more....!!!!!!!!
(If you do this diligently, you will find that your life will be dramatically elevated in just a few months - and that the elevation will continue and continue and continue...as you will stick to the process once you've seen the benefits of applying the process!)
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