When I took EST, I learned that it is best to intervene in order to prevent harm rather than "protect" oneself from the possible backlash from intervening. I learned to be an "interruption" where I thought it would be good.
Yes, it is, in a sense, "none of your business" what another does in life. But the question is more of an ethical one: "What produces the greatest total good for all concerned?"
I have since noted that a person will continue in momentum on the same path until there is a sufficient intervening force to affect the path. (See The Very Predictable Path - And The Very Predictable Results In Life...Unless....). If there is not an intervention, then the person will continue on that same path... It is my intention in both my mission and my life to be that "intervening force" where I can.
BE A SOURCE FOR GOOD?
How much are you committed to being a "source for good" or a "cause of creating good"?
If you attempt to intervene and there appears to be no hope that it will work and/or that the other person may be so offended that the relationship is terminated, should you intervene?
It is a matter of judgment, but be careful. (Though I tend toward making the mistake of risking a loss.)
ONE OF THE GREATEST LIFE PARADIGMS TO KNOW
L. S. Barksdale, a great teacher of straight thinking and self esteem, suggests something pretty close to my somewhat modified "truth of life" statement, below:
Everyone does the best they can at the time given the limits of their current awareness (knowledge).
No person is at fault for not doing better than the person knows how (to hold them as a person who is wrong for not doing better than they know how at this point in life would be unrealistic, as it is impossible to do better than one knows how to do!).
Instead, the problem is the lack of awareness (or knowledge).
Therefore, the solution is to increase the awareness level sufficiently.
In yourself and with others, then, the question is "will the payoff be worth your time, effort, and possible loss?", with a corollary question being "will you actually be possibly successful" at causing the increase in awareness (knowledge)?
THERE IS NO "RIGHT" TO INTERFERE, PLUS THERE IS RISK
We have no "right" to interfere with others, but I hold myself as a person committed to benefitting others where I can and preventing harm where I can - EVEN IF I may experience a loss or other repercussions in doing so..
I myself risked some possible repercussions for telling my niece "not to marry that guy, as he is a jerk" (or something to that effect) - the result of her marrying him would have been awful. She didn't, thank goodness.
I risked a friendship by helping a couple ( see THE FOUR HOUR RELATIONSHIP ALIGNMENT PROGRAM, where I got involved with "both sides"). It worked.
I risked addressing a health issue of another (dear) person and it flopped, fizzling into no effect at all - and it offended the other person and even angered the other person (who was a "significant other", where I had a lot at stake). But the relationship recovered after I chose to cut off any further (useless) communication on the matter, as it appeared that I would be unable to make a difference (and should therefore stop a behavior that was unworkable - duh!).
A friend tries with her daughters to steer them away from behavior that hurts their health. They just get mad and... nothing good happens from it. Was she correct in trying? (She still has a generally good relationship with her daughters.)
A MATTER OF JUDGMENT
So...it is a matter of judgment, of the gain that is possible, how possible the gain would be, and how much harm it could be to my relationship (i.e. to me). It could be interpreted as "criticism" or as "you don't love me since you are finding fault with me".
After careful consideration of the tradeoffs, I have decided to carefully and realistically assess whether I could possibly make a difference, how likely it would occur, and whether I am willing to risk and lose something. Of course, I need to "prepare a good case", "introduce it diplomatically, out of caring", "sandwich compliments around both sides of the 'serious' discussion", and "let it be known that I am simply making a request and not a demand" (that it is ok to say no).
I acknowledge that I have no right to interfere, that it is often a huge waste of time to try to "control" (change behavior) of another, and that I could fail, but, still, my choice is to try to do the most good I can, as I know that I will be ok, no matter what.
What do you choose?
[I recommend that you first raise your own awareness to a good level, as that is the best use of your time, and that you engage only rarely right now in any attempts at intervention for the "greater good".]
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