The first thing you must "get" or your life is screwed...

(To read the entire post, click on the title of the post.)

There is one lesson that serves as the basis for all other lessons in life.

It is a simple one.

But it is so often passed over.

We neglect correcting it, so our lives are "screwed", at least to some extent.

Without it, we cannot, and do not, move forward very well in life (yet it takes way too much effort and struggle).

Without it, we continue to live a life of fear or of constantly seeking validation (or non-rejection) from others, trying to prove we are worthy or good enough.  That is on the road to nowhere.

I hesitate to name "it", for it will sound so simplistic and not meaningful (even trite), despite it being the whole foundation for all of life.

But, first, a note:  "If you do not correct your beliefs around this, your life will be full of fear, or a subtext or background chatter of anxiety/fear."

Many people say they want to get rid of their fears - and then they stop short of doing the necessary work to accomplish that.

How foolish is that?

Isn't getting rid of at least the key fears in life worth every drop of effort?

The first lesson is one you've already "heard", but if you are not largely free of fear you have not really heard it or understood it, or you would have done everything you needed to arrive at the object of the first lesson to master.

It has two parts to it.

One is the truth that you as a human being have the power to develop all the power you need to live a great life.

The second part is that it is up to you.  This means it is not dependent on others or circumstances - at best, these will fall far short of what we want in life, plus they are, unproductively, out of our locus of control.  When we become "externally referenced" as a person, we have no power - the only good choice is to balance it far over to the "internally referenced" way of being and living.  (Read the blog post: A person with internal reference is happier than an external reference person.)

The only way to get what you want in life and to have a great life is to know that you are 100% responsible for causing that to happen AND then do it!


WE START IN A DEFICIT

Although we have everything we need at birth to develop what we need in life, we do not yet have the skills to manage our lives.  So the first years are spent in filling up the deficit, essentially getting us to "ground level", where we can function "well enough" so that our life will be "ok".

But then most of us stop there and/or leave "getting wise" to random experience which is hopefully harvested.

Though we are no longer "in deficit", we do not progress to true riches in life. Such a pity...


HEAVEN OR HELL - A CHOICE

But, if one can gain many more life skills and/or increase the level of an important skill, one should continue avidly learning, full on, wasting no time, for the ultimate happiness in life lies in oneself being fully capable of creating one's own (though with selection of interdependence as needed) life.

That is "heaven".  It is where we are sufficiently empowered that we feel at peace and confident that we will handle life well.

Nothing short of that should be tolerated, in my opinion, for it is a waste not to harvest all the good we can out of life.

Hell is being dependent on a source that is not reliable and is outside of you - such as luck, circumstances AND what other people think of you.  In that case, the "power" is "out there", where we do not have good control over getting what we want.  It is a scary place to live life - it IS hell.

Hell is living a life where you, like Sisyphus, barely start pushing a boulder uphill toward the peak of a great result at the top of the hill and then letting it go early on, rolling back to the bottom of the hill, with no gain, wasting a huge amount of time that could be better used to create the abilities that will create one's heaven.

Hell is living a life of anxiety, a life "controlled" by others because we are fearful of not pleasing them, a life of seeking approval.


YOU WILL BE HAPPY WHEN YOU LEARN THAT...

The power comes from you.  You are the power (or source of it).  You are the creator, the generator.  You are responsible for ALL that happens in your life (completely devoid of any blame or faulting).

The only sensible alternative is to clear away asap all of your beliefs that cause you any ongoing anxiety/fear.  You are responsible for that, and it is, indeed, a sin to leave them in place, to do so much damage to a human being (and often with some damage to those around him/her).


IF YOU HAVE NOT YET LEARNED THIS LESSON...

If you haven't yet learned this lesson, then I recommend that you do it right away until you are complete and at least ready to take the reins of your life.

Although it sounds, from the title, that the following book is about "Developing Focus And Discipline In Your Life", it is actually, first, about "getting" (understanding fully, grokking) that you are the only one in charge of your life.  The first chapter of the book can be downloaded free in pdf form and/or you can purchase it on Amazon:  The Practicing Mind.

Although the point of the book might appear to be to "Master Any Skill Or Challenge By Learning To Love The Process", it is actually about how easy it is to learn the key life skills without stress or strain, so that you then become the master of it.  This mindset (or "realization") is what enables you to get those skills which in turn enable you to live a great life.  Without the first part of the chain or steps of causation, here, the latter steps do not come about - and we miss much of what life can be.

It does a great job of "setting up" why and how a particular mindset (of responsibility, ease, and patience) is the key to doing what is necessary to live a great life.

We are the driver of the chariot of life, responsible for directing the horses.  Yet some of us [Thomas Sterner writes]:  "go along for the ride unknowingly and without making a choice.  Instead of observing their thoughts and using their thoughts [and emotions] to serve themselves, they are IN their thoughts" [as the victim of the thoughts].

Returning to his story:  "The story is about a chariot rider who steps onto a Roman-style chariot drawn by four horses.  In this story, the horses represent the mind.  About one alternative way of living, he writes:

"The Driver, who has an undisciplined [unknowledgeable] mind, steps onto the chariot but has no hold on the reins.  The four horses run wild all day, exhausting themselves and the driver as they bump along off the chosen path, constantly changing directions. They do not know where they are or where they are going at any given moment.  The driver holds on to the railings and is just as helpless as the horses as they all watch the scenery go by."  [Most people are living, to quite a degree, in this alternative of the story.]

The "rest of the story", the other alternative available is:  "In contrast, a disciplined driver, who has the reins in hand is in control and directs the horses down the focused, chosen path, wherever it might be.  The horses now have no will.  Their energy is directed by the refined commands of the disciplined driver.  The ride is smooth, and they all reach their desired destination in the least amount of time with the least amount of effort and fatigue."

"Which would you rather be?"

"If you are not in control of your thoughts, then you are not in control of yourself.  Without self-control, you have no real power, regardless of whatever else you accomplish..."  (The bracketed words, bolding, italics and underlining are mine.)

If you are not fully learning the skills of life and directing your thoughts (and full on correcting your beliefs), it is because you have not yet fully taken on the reins of your life.  To fully take on the reigns of your life you must first realize that it is you who MUST do so - there is no legitimate other choice. If you are experiencing the end results of the chain (path) that leads to anxiety, guilt, shame, fear, then we know you haven't done the prior necessary two steps of

1.  Learning that you are responsible for driving the chariot.
2.  Directing the horse through the process of developing the skills that will result in a great life.

Will you step up, take the reins, learn the skills, correct the beliefs and processes... or will you stay where you are and keep getting the results you are getting?

_______________________________

"The practicing mind is quiet.  It lives in the present and has laser-like, pinpoint focus and accuracy.  It obeys our precise directions, and all our energy moves through it. Because of this, we are calm and completely free of anxiety.  We are where we should be at that moment, doing what we should be doing and completely aware of what we are experiencing.  There is no wasted motion, physically or mentally."

He seeks to have his clients, and readers, "learn how to reach your goals with the least amount of effort, in the least amount of time and without as sense of struggle"

_______________________________

The book mentioned is one of the books I am using as a resource for my writing of The Self Control Book.  As he says above, as an absolute and obvious truth, "Without self-control, you have no real power,"