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YOU MUST HAVE TRUE ALIGNMENT OR...
You will attain integrity when your behavior (and results) align with what you value, but only if what you value is that which is truly of value.
You will know when you are living "in integrity" when you are deeply, enduringly feeling happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment in life, without emotional turmoil.
It is impossible for a human not to gain the most value from assuring emotional well-being, supported by physical well-being. Self-sacrifice and suffering in order to contribute to others is based on false values, lack of sufficient understanding and knowledge and not completely reasoning out what is true. Emotional well-being is, by far, the most important value.
The next highest value, once a person has taken care of basic security needs, lies almost always in enjoying close, reliable, authentic relationships. However, it is still true that, though relationships contribute to emotional well-being, emotional well-being is the "end game", "what it is all about".
Although linked, emotional well-being has 1,000's of times more value than relationships. And close relationships have 100's of times more value than any other relationships.
Those who believe they will gain value from non-close relationships, from getting approval (or avoiding disapproval), from vague concepts of achievement or superiority-seeking or pride will experience an emptiness and perhaps conscious regret (while perhaps not knowing why) and/or non-satisfaction. They are trying to derive value from the lowest value, illusional pursuits - and it is impossible to get emotional nutrition from the "cotton candy" of psychological misunderstandings. Essentially, they are running fast on a treadmill to nowhere and cannot understand why they are not gaining and winning that (unwinnable) game!
The above, in total, is perhaps the most important understanding of all, in terms of having a truly great human experience and the happiness that humans are capable of attaining.
WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS?
You would act on this by first of all doing sufficient learning for you to agree with these truths and hold them as the highest "guide" toward a good life.
And you would ask of anything you do "Will this be of the greatest value for me? Will this contribute to my emotional well-being and my physical well-being? Will this be congruent with assuring that my close relationships are well-nourished (or will this harm them)?"
Put those questions on your early morning routine or in your planning for the day, as a checklist item to check off each day. Put a "reminder", right this moment, in your computer or phone, that will pop up every day at the time you do any planning: "Am I acting in congruence to my highest values of emotional well-being and assuring an excellent relationships with those whom I care the most for?" If you answer affirmatively to that, then you will be living life on the true path of happiness. If you answer negatively to that, then you will be selling your soul to the devil of illusion and regret.
List out what your "
Highest Value Activities" are. Schedule and do the listing as soon as you can, not just quickly doing it, but allowing enough time to think and write thoughts about it.
If you're not clear on what is of high value and what isn't, then you cannot achieve a high value life.
Note that when a person identifies his "highest values" that those highest values must be tied to behaviors that will cause one to achieve what is of the highest value in life. If they don't lead to that, then one's values are "false" and valueless values. For instance, if "having fun" is one of one's highest values it will lead to not doing that which serves one at a higher, more valuable level. Having fun is of a lower value and must not be allowed to push higher values out of the way. However, after one's highest value activities have been done, the "having fun" is an option that can then be considered.
Accepting a new assignment by choice is never a good strategy unless one has implemented all that is of the highest value, including
Implementing Self Care - How Much? What Do I Do? And When?. This should be one of the very highest priorities, while the new assignment might be "of value" it is dramatically inferior to self care and its contribution to emotional well-being.
MY BEST WISHES FOR PUTTING THIS INTO YOUR LIFE
I hope that you make room for this high priority strategy and the exercises.
I
KNOW that they will help you to produce considerably more value and happiness in your life.
Keith
