One level higher than forgiveness

We can operate at one level higher than forgiveness if we “grok” this truth in all of life.

It’s hard to “get” because we have been tamed (term used by Don Miguel Ruiz) to believe in fault and even in the effectiveness of criticism, contrary to reality.  

Vishen identified forgiveness as the key to “getting clear”, which is true, but we can get clear by not getting “unclear” in the first place, by living in the world of no blame, no criticism.

I hope that all people will see, understand, and live by, as a core essential to happiness, the “No Fault” truth:  

No Fault 

Should we self-flagellate to “motivate ourselves”?

Read this, develop acceptance and self compassion, and stop the self criticism!!!!

On Professional Failure - The Book of Life

Judging, “morality”, time and energy wasted - and ultimately self harm

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We developed “shortcuts” that served us 50,000 years ago, but do us damage now.  We “judged” in order to protect ourselves against the extreme dangers of not surviving.

Though those dangers do not still exist, we still use the same old system - and it has us making wrong choices, judging others when understanding is more appropriate, and, worst of all, by a magnitude of 1000, is “judging” ourselves, unthinkingly, unsmartly, and with great emotional and life harm.

There is no valid basis for “faulting” another OR ourselves.  We demoralize ourselves, bring ourselves down, whenever we criticize ourselves, even if we think it is “doing us good to chastise ourselves.”  As a main part of our learning to make life better, each person should read and
understand the reasoning behind No Fault - which will relieve, and stop,  a huge percentage of your negative feelings.

What we do to others, also harming ourselves, is let our “righteous mind” govern our interactions with and judgments of others.  I like this article, annotated by me in Evernote, Why The Other Side Won’t Listen To Reason.   And, I write about this on the site:  The Righteous Mind Vs. The Thinking Mind - And The Effect Of  Harmful Ignorance.

Read all of these, please, as this is one of the biggest determinants of unhappiness and emotional damage in your life - you cannot afford to let it continue if you want to have a good/great life!!!!!

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People are not evil or bad...nor are you...

After being involved in a fatal accident (caused by another person),

“I understood that because someone made a mistake in judgment, it didn't make him evil. My newfound ability to see both sides of a situation - to think and feel like the accused-was invaluable.” (From Priceless: How I Went Undercover to Rescue the World's Stolen Treasures by Robert K. Wittman)

When a person realizes the truth of Zero Fault -  Just Not Knowing...Yet, it removes a vast amount of blame, criticism (of others but also of self!), useless shaming, destructive resentment, etc. and etc.

In fact, I would say this one truth is absolutely necessary if one is to be able to be truly happy!!!!!

Keith
LivingMasterfully.com  

Write your letter of SELF-compassion - it is a life changer...

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Writing a letter of self compassion to yourself has been proven to cause a significant shift in how one views oneself AND to have lasting effects on how happy a person feels and how he/she treats and sees him/herself.

Read the following and then try it and see for yourself.  

Your Letter Of Self Compassion.

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There is practically no human on the planet who could not benefit from having (more) self-compassion. I hope you will pass this on to others for their use. Just click on the little white envelope right below this piece to share it.

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As always, any suggestions, comments, questions, etc. are welcome. If you know of other related materials that could be useful to people please do let me know. (Contact)

Learn, set the rules, no criticism -- & Happiness

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THE ROAD TO A HARD, UNHAPPY  LIFE

Violate the rules (known or not)

                      ↓

Bad results 

                      ↓

Critical of self

                      ↓

Feel bad (and one doesn't fix the rules)

                      ↓
A hard, unhappy life

THE ROAD TO THE GREAT LIFE

Scenario #1

Violate the rules (not yet know them)

                     ↓

Bad results 

                     ↓

Note bad results, accept as is (no criticism)

                     ↓

Learn, fix, set rules
                     ↓

Great life

Scenario #2

 Learn and set the rules ahead of time

                     ↓

Good results

                     ↓

Great life


Results of both scenarios:  Better rules.

IT'S SIMPLE

Learn the rules (capture them, in a notebook or...)

     Ahead, if possible, ASAP

     Set them as you go, fixing after bad results

Never criticize self

     Understand it's just a "not yet knowing"

Note that criticizing oneself and feeling bad are bad results from a bad set of "rules", based on false beliefs.  (It is NOT true that one needs criticism as a motivator, though some people keep on insisting it is a "given" - that's bad non-reasoning based on no facts.) 

IT'S EASIER TO FIX THE RULES!

It might look harder, but it's easier to do the learning as far ahead of time as possible, as one then follows the rules that work, thus getting the desired results - and a lot more of the good results than those who don't learn proactively on a systematic program.   Life is easier when one doesn't make extra mistakes, period, AND it also takes time to clean up the mistakes and do the repairs - it takes less time to learn in the first place - by far!!!!!!!!

WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DO THIS?

Well, there are actually two parts to this:  Learning and fixing a problem.  One has a problem when one has a "gap" between where one is and where one wants to be - so we do simple problem solving first (sometimes having to go deeper) using the standard sequenced process to do so.  

The learning has 2 parts.  

1.  to instigate learning right after an indication that learning is needed - simply by observing that one made a mistake by not knowing what was needed.  

2.  To proactively instigate learning ahead of time, following a program that has one learn and build a set of rules to follow.  

In both of the learning parts, it is necessary that one actually do 2 strategies once the rule is initially learned:

1.. Install the rules. (Read them daily until "memorized".)

2.  Recall the rules as needed (either in the brain inside one's head or in the added "external memory").

We have all experienced the "I knew better, I just forgot".  We want, instead, to both know better and to not forget - which means to be able to access the rule for use.  

Since we can only retain and recall a large but limited amount of data, we must add a large, not limited extra external memory 

One useful device is the Reminders Notebook, where there is a tab for "rules".  As you develop them you will expand the original list into rules by areas, so you can access a specific area when you want to.

Regardless of how you organize the rules for reference, it should be helpful for you to start at the page Rules and then link to and copy as many as you can, so you have a starter collection which you can then modify and add to. 

This seemingly small thing can make a huge difference in one's life.  I recommend that you put this high on your priority list!!!  

No Fault! Understand This Concept And It'll Change Your Life!

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It's the process!

W. Edward Deming, the super-consultant, observed that 94% of all breakdowns were related not to the people but the process.  So the solution was to perfect the process!

Fix the processes in life and you'll be surprised at how greatly your life will change for the better. (There are lots of examples of good processes to use in the Life Value Productivity book - link from Books.)

And most of the other 6% can be fixed by gaining the missing knowledge.

People are not "at fault".  They simply need a process that works and possibly to fill in their "knowing" to the sufficient knowing level.

(See also No Fault - Just Not Knowing Yet....)

Our "failures" are mostly due to just having the wrong strategy.  Focus on changing the strategy and on "not stopping short" (finish the process!) and life will change dramatically to the greater upside.  

Use "immutable" theories (principles, laws), which are theories that work every time.  If you have a theory, or a "belief" about how things work, and you don't get the desired results, look for a theory that works - and stop doing over and over what doesn't work!  Ironically, people don't put forth sufficient effort to close the gap between what doesn't work and what does work.

As Marshall Thurber says:  Build your life around universals (theories that work) and you'll suddenly see that "the universe supports you".   (Of course, the universe doesn't actually do that, as you are simply "aligning" with how the universe works - with the result that what you do actually works!)

The point, again, is that the person is not at fault or "not good enough" or "not intelligent enough", it is simply that he does not yet have sufficient knowledge (which he can get) and/or does not yet have the right strategy/process.  You can get both, if you simply no longer keep "stopping short."

Now, we come to the hard part:  people rebel against the idea that they need to design procedures, which sounds harsh or too businesslike or whatever.  But this is a world that operates based on reality - and the reality is that it is all mechanical.   (See Life Overview - Do This And You'll Have A Great Life!)

If you want the "universe to fully support you", you might consider using this:  Super-Principle:  Good Programs And Good Procedures For Life To Work Well!  

Yes, life can be truly great.  There is nothing to get in the way, except one's own misbeliefs....

Keith D. Garrick

IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE POSSIBLE?

Q. This (referring to someone tending orchids as a huge hobby) takes a tremendous amount of time, and I'd much prefer to spend my time experiencing unconditional love!!! I know that some people don't believe that unconditional love is possible. What do you think?

A. I know it is possible, though the irony of it is that it must, in my opinion, start through a process of "conditionality". I don't think we can unconditionally love everybody in the deeper, non-trivial, sense. I can look at someone and be non-judgmental (which is often what people seem to think is "unconditional", but there is a nuance of difference), for I know they are doing the best they can given the current limits of their awareness - but I won't necessarily want to be around that person alot.

Once we get "the right basic conditions" (such as basic compatibility, including lifestyles merging ok with freedom to do as one wishes but also coming [so to speak] together at times to express fondness and closeness and to connect with the other's emotions and feelings about the day and life), then I think (and what I want) is that we can totally be unconditional, knowing that our basic conditions are met (for instance, one "condition" would be to not treat each other with anger, not criticize, not blame, be responsible for one's emotions and actions from those emotions - I believe that is who you are: nonjudgmental and unconditionally loving and totally self responsible [of course, there will be moments of slipping on banana peels or trying to park backwards, but those are all "so whats", as the only important thing is how we treat each other, not whether we are goofy, silly, or just plain stupid some of the time).

I, myself, do not ever want to experience a relationship where the “cultural expectations” are such that the person “requires me” [or “they’ll be repercussions”] to do a lot of “posturing” or symbolism that is not the same as the “real thing”. In the 5 Languages of Love, they refer to how people know they are loved by either service, touch, gifts, deep emotional sharing and languaging (e.g. , say “I love you” lots), etc. I do not want a relationship where I must buy expensive jewelry or even be the “romantic” dude around town who is sure to plan exciting surprise vacations. This is what is referred to in some growth workshops as “eating the menu”, where the pretty pictures are so enticing but not real. Simple loving, basic gestures are what count, in my opinion, though everyone is entitled to what “conditions” work for them – I just don’t want to be in a relationship with that person. Artificial expectations and then the resentments related to not having them met are the killers of relationships - that’s why I hope people get a feel for what expectations are unrealistic – so that is deal with on the site (put “expectations” into the search engine).

I believe that everyone should become an expert in intimate relationships, as that is, outside of oneself, the most important element of life. Read the site! Especially learn the rational for non-blaming, so one can rid oneself of all resentments, frustration, anger, manipulation, self-criticism, etc. When one stops criticizing, out loud or in one’s mind, the other, then unconditional love does exist. (Search engine on the site, enter “blaming”.)

The Loving/BeingLoved section, under Relationships on the site, points the way...especially see The Loving Woman - By Her.